oh. what has happened?

= my speakers sing [nothing] = & = i'm feeling... [useless] =

within the start of the new year, i find my life in a downward spiral. my mother's condition has worsened, i've had to make a very difficult decision and there's still nothing on my mind for a new job. what else can go wrong, i do not know.

i guess my blog's name "The" moments really fit the situation right now. i'm a "A" moment that i would probably remember for the rest of my life...

regrets... i have plenty. time to forget? plenty of time. drink eat sleep work. 4 words i get by these days. crap, i know. at least i have something to get my mind off other things. i actually had thought of a shitload to write while tossing and turning in my bed last night... well... as they say, what comes before sleep, disappears the next morning. well, actually i'm the one who says that. rofl?

i don't know how long more can i last... before i eventually give up on myself. thats something i don't really wanna see happen. losing myself... god knows what i'll end up like. struggling and striving to keep my sane state of mind. i can't lose myself... no matter what happens...

i
cannot..
lose..
myself.