Nasty.

= my speakers sing [Nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [Bored.] =

Just woke up from a nasty nap some ten minutes back.

Why nasty you might ask? Isn't napping always a good thing?

I had a dream... Nasty.

I dreamt that... I met her at the usual coffeeshop where we'd settle our dinners ! She was still dressed in those skimpy outfits of hers... with an abnormal over-tan. Turned out she was just there to tell me about how nice her current beau is... Into car parts business(exhausts?)... rich guy... I felt so disgusted I woke up !

But when I woke up...

I felt like crap.

Don't get me wrong, it's not as though I'm feeling so sad and all... It's just that... Why the hell would I even dream about her now?

I ponder.
.
..
...
....
.....

Anyway,

New job searching still to no avail. I better pull up my socks and settle into a job fast !!! Need to see $ coming in soon ! Too lazy to reply to people's questions of

"Have you found a job yet?",
"Have you tried job agencies?",
"Have you tried lowering your standards?",
"Aiyoh, why aren't you still working?",
"You need to find a job fast you know, now recession leh..."

I KNOW LA.
I'M NOT STUPID OKAY.
I'M OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT WEIGHS HOW MUCH AND WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT.

*Ahem. Pardon my outburst. Thanks for the concern. I still live by one phrase,

"There are no stupid questions, only stupid people."

Sick.

= my speakers sing [Nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [Like crap.] =

Fug. Sick yet again. Camped at home on friday. Looks like gonna be the same for saturday as well.

Insomnia setting in. Couldn't really get some good rest for the past 2 weeks or so.

Why?

I do not know. Maybe cause I'm troubled.

Troubled about what? I do not know.

I've tons to think about. Especially when my future's at stake.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing nowadays too. I must be getting too crappy cause sometimes I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror.

Damn I need to recover fast.

Damn I need more booze.

P/S: I'm on youtube! No thanks to that friggin kukubird ivan. zzz....






Of all songs why must he record these 2... zzz. I sincerely apologize for the lameass dumb V handsigns. Thats the effect of too much beer. ...

Emptiness. Personified.

= my speakers sing [sounds from HBO.] = & = i'm feeling... [alone in the dark.] =

300am. Alone staring at the walls.

400am. Still staring at the walls.

500am. Switched on HBO. Watched "Without Limits". Some show about Steve Prefontaine.

700am. Still not sleepy. Wide awake. Decides to blog abit. "Catch and Release" in on HBO. How apt.

Normally I'd be sipping my coffee while waiting for your "Home" messages.

No appetite.

Moodless.

Empty.

Just... empty.

04 March 2009.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [like FUCK.] =

It's another definative moment of my life. 我又单身了！

Too many things to consider.. In the long run... I can only just say, I am sorry.

我不知道为什么会变成这样...
但太多太多事情让我担心和烦恼...
我愿本是以为我们可以走下去...
一起走下去, 但是她始终是你和我之间的障碍...
我爱你. 但那是不够的.
你我之间的不同和不愉快不是一句简单的我爱你就可以解决的.
人是始终是自私的.
你也有说过以你现在的处境, 跟我在一起, 是不是在拖累我.
可能是刚开始的时候你骗了我, 我还是耿耿于怀...
我一直以来都不喜欢有人骗我.
何况是你还变本加厉的唆使你的同事们一起来敷衍我...
我曾觉得我是一个笨蛋,白痴，头脑智商有问题的人.
可是我还是要尝试跟你在一起...
因为我感受得到你给与我的爱和关怀是真的.
当你问我的时候，我曾想过...

“我这样的骗你... 你能接受吗... 你会觉得我在拖累你吗?”

我是有想过...
也曾经尝试过...
可是...
我只能说, 对不起, 我办不到.
我不是你心中的男人.
我也不是一个好男人.
我其实在寻找的是一个简简单单的爱情.
我们现在的处境实在是太乱了.

可能一开始我就应该知道是这样的结果.

对不起, 我不应该在浪费你的时间...
我希望你能找到比我更爱你的人...
我知道一定会有比我更爱你的人...

我只想说声, 对不起.