Wow?

= my TV sings [C.Ronaldo kicking Wigan's arse.] = & = i'm feeling... [elated...] =

So much has happened in the past 2 weeks or so... I did something really stupid with those new machines that print out your phone-pics via bluetooth or memory card. Basically I got my card stuck in the freaking machine and I freaked out. But I managed to get my card out at the end of the day... (minus some "genuine" help rendered by the technical staff).

And...

I guess my christmas this year was spent in the most un-exciting way. I got sick the day before eve of xmas, high fever and all. So the next logical thing to do was to ground myself. Thus, a grounded xmas. But... I gotta admit... it was the damn best xmas I ever had in my entire life. (No, I didn't get laid.) ROFL. "Tis this season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la..."

Anyway,

Also in the headlines.

Cow has a cow-dette !

:-D

In case of anyone whom doesn't understand... Cow is no longer available !

Bitch post.

= my speakers sing [Nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [Stupefied.] =

Arse-nal 1 - Char Si 1

Wuhahahaha Man Utd 8 pts clear ~~~

Psst, FYI, this cow has been a Man Utd fan since 1996.

A decade liao wor.

I shan't go back to proving myself since I've not been following much in the recent years... But I do know the Bugsy Babes to the Pallister, Bruce, McClair, Cantona era blah blah blah...

Anyway,

This entry is not supposed to be based on soccer. I just saw something off the net that blew my mind. I really cannot believe it lor. Shell shocked, then stupefied(still am), then amazingly... it felt god damn funny ! Seriously, all I can say is...

What the fuck? I give up la nah beh chee bye. ROFLMAO. (+alot of laughs)

I think I've changed in a way... but I also think that I've never remained so firm about some things... I guess, 狗改不了吃屎。 LOL.

My heart's open with warmth but I sense hidden agendas...

Am I changed for the better...


or for the worst...

Ouch.

= my speakers sing [方力申 - 好心好报] = & = i'm feeling... [in alot of pain.] =

I played soccer for 5 mins.

I limped off the pitch.

There's a bruise the size of a ba zhang on my left shin.

I'm worried that I'll get a hairline fracture.

I'm off to the hospital.

Lipeats.

= my speakers sing [Liu Jia Liang - 你到底爱谁] = & = i'm feeling... [somber.]=

As requested by the aspiring journalist and for the benefit of those who can't read chinese for nuts... Here's the loosely translated version of my previous post. Don't blame me for the bad translation. rofl...

Our love

Love tortures.

Hurts people to the extreme, drives them to insanity, have regrets for life, go crazy, even killing... However, the person torturing yourself is not the other party, but yourself.

I've given so much for you, you just turned and left, never once looked back, so ruthless you were... your heartlessness left me with so much pain.
Pain is because I expected something in return for all that I've given.

One sided love or falling in love with those already in love or those with marriage engagements will lead to pain... Pain because you want to get a confirmation from the other party but cannot. Because I do not know how to give unconditional love, that is why I only wish to possess.

Betrayed by love, I'm a victim. You shouldn't have been so callous with love, not sparing a thought for my feelings. I suffer in pain, because you cannot meet my expectation of love.

But, if I really do love you, truly love you, I would have been able to give willingly; if it was willingly, I wouldn't have bothered with the returns, and would have gone from your perspective. Your friendship, heartlessness, attitude and what nots would not have affected my love towards you. Because what I love is you, not your returns.

Some people are used to betraying, some people use feelings for revenge, some people use feelings for being a backup... As long as both parties are satisfied with each other's expectations of love, even the law can't do anything about it.

In the world of love, there is no logic, no rules, no stated laws, even no morals. Those taking part in this game called love must understand that fully, then they will be able to train a heart of steel that isn't easily defeated.

If you cannot give unconditional love, you can only leave, leave to find someone who fits your expectation of love as well as theirs, if you cannot meet up with the other person's expectations, even if you skin their scalps, chain them up, you're just forcing them to live with your own expectation of love. Is that compulsively possessive, not willingly to give up or real love?

Afterall, love is nothing but a transactional investment. Your coldness, disloyalty, heartlessness caused me to end up being a bankrupt. Any investment without returns is a very stupid thing to do.

Love experts often advise people not to be too caught up with love and surrender everything, you must find someone suitable for yourself. Note, it's suitable. Not necessarily love. Because even the love experts also know that there are not many people who truly understands love.

Our bodies, perspectives and values are of utmost importance. What we think about the most is not what the other party is feeling, but only what we ourselves are thinking.

Love tortures, because we do not understand love.

Matter of fact is that...

Even if we do fall in love with each other,

The person we love the most is ourself.


Wa lan eh... I think I did quite a bad job there. Got a couple of phrases which I don't really know how to translate.

Anyway

The general idea is there. Try to digest? rofl....

And the clouds clear... of the stormy weather and the fake silver linings...

= my speakers sing [张信哲 - 做你的男人] = & = i'm feeling... [Anew.] =

I just lost a page of chinese that I typed for the past hr. Blogger and Windows chinese input sucks.

What I wanted to say was... I finally got an answer... Not quite what I expected. But I'm just the kind who needs an answer of sorts. Not totally convincing, had a feeling that she might be saying all those just to spite/irritate me.

And no, I'm not going to change the perspective I have on relationships. It'll still be the same.

"Be true, stay true, have trust and be happy"

Not the deepest of words but sometimes, simplicity is the key...

Anyway,

Onwards to the article I read in "i" Weekly last night... This article made me open up to more opinions that I never thought of...

我们的爱 - By "大虾"

爱折磨人。

让人痛不欲生、丧失理智、遗憾终身、变得疯狂、甚至是情杀……
然而真正折磨自己的并不是对方，而是自己。

为你付出了这么多，你却转身就走，头也不会，如此无情----你的无情让我痛苦。
痛苦是应为我要求自己的付出有回报。

一厢情愿的爱情或是爱上了已经有爱情或婚姻盟约的对象让人痛苦----痛苦是因为想得到却又得不到对方肯定的眼神。因为我还学不会无条件的爱，我会的只是想拥有。

被爱情背叛了，我是受害者----你不应该这么滥情、这么不考虑我的感受。我痛苦，因为对方无法符合我的爱情标准。

可是，如果我真的那么爱你、如果真的是爱你，我就应该能心甘情愿地付出； 如果是心甘情愿，也就不存计较回报率，也只会从你的角度出发。你的有情、无情、你的坚贞、你的滥情都不会左右我对你的爱情。因为我爱的是你，不是你的回报。

有的人习惯背叛、有的人把感情当暴利的工具、有的人把感情当援兵之计……
只要双方满意彼此的感情标准，法律也不柰合不了。

爱情世界里，没有逻辑，没有规则、没有法律可循、更没有道德可言。参与游戏的人必须彻底地明白这个道理，才能练就出一颗金刚不败之心。

如果自己做不到无条件的爱，就只能选择离开，寻找能够符合彼此感情标准的人； 如果你无法妥协于对方的感情标准，即使把对方的头皮抓破、把对方拴牢，你也只是要迫使对方接受你的感情标准。那是占有、是不甘，还是真的是爱？

因为感情毕竟是一种变相的投资，你的冷漠、不忠、无情让我“血本无归”。任何一种没有回报的投资都是愚蠢的行为。

爱情专家教导人们不要迷信为爱奉献一切，一定要找适合自己的人。注意，是适合，不一定是爱。因为爱情转家也知道懂爱的人不多。

我们的自我、我们的角度、我们的价值观最重要，我们考虑到最多的不是对方的感受，而是自己的感受。

爱折磨人，因为我们不懂爱。

事实是，

即使彼此相爱，

我们还是最爱自己。

That was such a fascinating article that I read it umpteen times and I knew that it had to be on my blog. And it was through that article that I finally pushed on through the final barrier. To really be undeviating and go straight to the point. To ask her about why everything happened, happened. Since now that I've already gotten an answer, my heart can really start the stages of final recovery...

Becoming me again...

= my speakers sing [Guang Liang - 如果你还爱我] = & = i'm feeling... [Excited.] =

FFXII...
Smackdown Vs Raw 2007...

Am I finally becoming my usual self again?

I doubt so... it'll take more time... but I'm getting there...

LOL?


光亮 - 如果你还爱我

我带着一颗疲惫的心走了
我知道自己在你心里已不重要
虽然我们曾经相聚过
也许对于你来说
已经没有什么值得回忆
我带着一颗沉重的心走了
我知道自己没有勇气道别离
虽然我们曾经拥有过
但是对于你来说
已经没有什么值得回忆
难道早以注定
不能真正拥有你
难道我真心付出一切
只为了承受孤单和寂寞
我知道你不敢对我坦白
是不要看到我的伤怀
虽然你没有说要离开我
我已经感到你不再属于我
如果你还爱我
你不会对我如此的冷漠
又怎会让我在漫漫长夜独自徘徊
如果你还爱我
你不会对我如此的冷漠
我只能含着眼泪
默默的离开

No More... It's a brand new day !

= my speakers sing [HBO - Ocean's Twelve] = & = i'm feeling... [at peace.] =

It's a brand new day with brand new things to look forward to. I've been moping around in this nonsense for too long. Since we can't communicate anymore, why should I bother with anything at all?

Good bye, good luck and be happy.

I know I will try to.

:-D~

I don't know.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [pain.] =

If you love me still, let me know.

Because I don't know what you're thinking of.

我哭笑不得。

it's been too long...

= my speakers sing [Rainnie Yang - 理想情人] = & = i'm feeling... [empty but with a sense of certain relief.] =

After yet another "counselling" by one of my good colleagues, I've realised something which I should have done a long time ago.

I should have put myself in her shoes a long time ago. Afterwhich he said somethings that suddenly made sense to me.

"她这样把自己吊起来卖，你还那么傻去上钩..." Well, not entirely like that but the meaning is the same...

But once I've put myself in her shoes, I started wondering... she might have other choices whom she can't decide by... So she's just playing her time slowing taking her pick. Maybe she doesn't know how I feel... But I'm not about to let her know... If she's not even going to consider the shitloads that I've gone through these past few weeks... then there's probably nowhere else to go but to give up and move on...

I don't know why I felt towards her like this... this emotion can be compared to losing di... I used to think that, that was the ultimate sense of grief that I could experience during that period of my life... I guess... I was wrong. She made me feel something similiar to that of when I was with di. I felt really, really happy. I felt satisfied and immense joy whenever I was with her. Could be put that I actually felt complete for that short duration.

But the last few weeks were sheer torture. I drank almost everyday not to numb the pain... but so as to be able to sleep more easily. Everything I said, saw, touched, heard and thought reminded me of her. Some people can understand what I'm going through, some can't. I was so nearly on the verge of breakdown. And her sudden antics didn't really clear the air lor. I needed an answer. A resolve. A clear definate explaination of why what transpired, transpired. But all I got was nothing. To the extent...

that I'm now starting to feel numb.

I want to put a stop to this. Seriously, I don't care if she sees this or not. I just want her to know that...

曾经有一个人，
把自己的心完全掏给了
一个对他来说很特别的女孩，
可惜那女孩没有珍惜...

If she ever bothered about the relationship, she wouldn't have mentioned breaking up in the first place. If she cared, she would have chased me home personally from her void deck instead of just using a few smses to shoo me away. I'd already dropped my pride and went to her house like a fool to look for her... and all she could muster was a few smses. If she really liked me, she wouldn't have beared to let me go through this fucking hell I'm going through right now. (Boy I'd love to see her refute these.)

I ain't complaining, I'm just trying to release myself. I've learnt a few more new things about myself. Life is a road of self discovery. I've decided to let go. Sometimes, the best things in life are those that you never achieve. If fate really wants to play with me... then please, let me learn faster so I won't fall so hard the next time round.

Anyway,

Tomorrow will be a new day. Same old me, mind afresh. And as I always say...

Life is good and life goes on.

:-D

Acceptance.

= my speakers sing [如果有一天] = & = i'm feeling... [Nonchalant] =

I've learnt something today.

Acceptance.

If she ever does see this... I hope that she'll understand.

I never regretted loving her. But sometimes the love just dies.

All I can say is that, 对不起，我爱你 and 谢谢你, 再见.

Might sound retarded... So let me interpret...

对不起, 我爱你 - self explanatory.
谢谢你, 再见 - Thanks for all the memories. Thanks for letting me feel loved at times. Good bye and good luck. I hope you can find someone who loves you as much as I did... maybe even more...

If you're seeing this, I just hope that I did not stress you out by being too serious in a relationship that was only 1½months old... I never wanted things to turn out this way... I never wanted to have doubts... Only just clarifications which I couldn't get outta my system... Perhaps I was expecting too much from you... Since all's been said and done.... A sincere goodbye seems to be the most appropriate way of ending this.

Maybe you won't see this, maybe you will.

I just hope that you understand...

~断点~
张劲轩

静静地陪你走了好远好远
连眼睛红了都没有发现
听着你说你现在的改变
看着我依然最爱你的笑脸
这条旧路依然没有改变
以往的每次路过都是晴天
想起我们有过的从前
泪水就一点一点开始蔓延

我转过我的脸不让你看见
深藏的暗涌已经越来越明显
过完了今天就不要再见面
我害怕每天醒来想你好几遍

我吻过你的脸
你双手曾在我的双肩
感觉有那么甜我那么依恋
每当我闭上眼
我总是可以看见
失信的诺言全部都会实现

我吻过你的脸
你已经不在我的身边
虽然你不在我的身边
我还是祝福你过得好一点
断开的感情线
我不要做断点
只想在睡前再听见你的
蜜语甜言

F. F. F. FUCK !

= my speakers sing [NOTHING.] = & = i'm feeling... [EMPTY.] =

Just read something from Neil Gaiman, "Fragile Things"... since mao bought it not long ago... There was a short story that he wanted me to read so much about. I guess it somehow or rather had a similiarity with me... "how do you think I feel?" This short story struck me momentarily. I could just feel what Neil Gaiman was trying to portray in his own method...

I can't help but remember the part about him mentioning the gargoyle wrapping his heart... Haaaaaaa............ I could use something like that right now... Then again... if I were to reach that stage... I'd probably be like a de-generate like mao... which he doesn't really wish for me to end up as... All I gotta say is that,

"We're degenerates you and me.
No matter what events takes place,
No matter what happens,
De-generates, you and I.
We'll forever be...
DE-GENERATES."

lame boy.

When I was drinking alone at "George's" I thought of a couple of things. About what I've did for the past few days... I mean it's that, I'm at a stage where I've reckon that I can't possibly say/do anything more... I've tried and tried but if her heart doesn't have any place for me, no matter what I say or what I do would not be enough to convince her to carry on this relationship with me...

Frankly speaking... I don't know why I'm behaving like this. I don't know why I'm putting so much effort or interest in this. Am I trying to make up for the lost effort for Diana's case? Am I trying to prove to myself that by loving someone too much, you wouldn't destroy the relationship? Or rather, am I trying to commit myself too much? Am I that desperate to look for a wife? WTF? Am I too serious too fast already?

I.
Don't.
Know.

All I know is... I've given nearly my all for this relationship. This "so-called" relationship. And it hasn't brought me any joy at all. Rather then I frustrate her and strain myeslf, might as well I just let it go la... I'm really sick and tired of all this guessing and shit. I want to ask her whether she really loves me or not, but then again, I think back,

ONLY ONE MONTH PLUS LOR.

LOVE MY LAN JIAO.

I give up. I can't fathom a female's mind. I don't wanna guess what's in it anymore.

IT'S KILLING ME.

任贤齐 - 心太软 (I guess this is "the" song for me right now... HA HA HA?)

Orh...

= my speakers sing [陈奕迅 - Lonely Christmas] = & = i'm feeling... [空虚] =

I've been wondering...

Have I been too pushy? too harsh? too demanding?

Initially I didn't want to put too much in...

But as I realise that she is invading my heart more and more,

Too much gets flowed in.

Now I can only play by the ear...

Take it a step at a time.

Hope for something good. I've been in too many storms to weather. I'm tired. Real tired. I tried to let nature take it's course. But I always seem to try too hard. As my colleague said,

男人不坏，女人不爱。

可是我不要坏。 我只要爱。

My mind, my heart and my soul.

= my speakers sing [ESPN - Inter 1 Spartak 0] = & = i'm feeling... [Semi-charmed kind of life.] =

是你的就是你的。

This past week I've thought alot about things.

I'm experiencing some shit in my office. It's affecting everyone.

Somehow or rather,

I've come to realise 3 important questions that I need an answer for.

I've been enlightened to the fact that these 3 questions would probably answer to any dying/boring relationship.

Q1) Do you feel happy when you're with me?
Q2) Do you feel that we can get along?
Q3) Do you love me?

Q1 & Q2 can be answered quite easily...
Q3... It's a 50 50 thingy. One can lie about that answer but will have to answer to your own conscience eating you out.

Semi-Poetic Moment

When you first held my hand,
I felt immense joy.
When you first hugged me,
I felt immense warmth.

The days of us communicating,
The days of us canoodling.
The memoirs of you in my arms.

The day I said those 3 words that I've always thought of as a taboo,
The day that I said it,
I never regretted it.

I'm not the kind of person who would say,
What my heart don't mean.
How much I have to give,
You should know.

To make me feel so,
then ditch me so,
made me feel like,
I was toyed so.

After a period of separation,
After a period of pain,
I've come to realise that,
No pain, no gain.

Thus I can conclude,
I have tried my best,
And I will give my all,
Only to ask for,
One chance more.

Ronely... I'm so ronely...

= my speakers sing [Nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [Ronely.] =

任贤齐 - 爱的路上我和你

不知道什么时候
开始喜欢这里
每个夜里都会来这里看你
你长得这么美丽
叫我不能不看你
看不到你我就迷失了自己
好想牵你的手
走过风风雨雨
有什么困难我都陪着你
直到天长地久
直到天荒地老
爱的路上只有我和你

不知道什么时候
开始喜欢这里
每个夜里都会来这里看你
你长得这么美丽
叫我不能不看你
看不到你我就迷失了自己
有时候你很调皮
总是让我着急
一颗心总是为你跳不停
只要一闭上眼睛
总有千百万个你
你的影子装满我的脑海里
不能够不想你
也不能够忘记你
总是在梦里一直看到你
多想对你说句
我是真的爱你
对我的心不要再怀疑
好想牵你的手
走过风风雨雨
有什么困难我都陪着你
直到天长地久
直到天荒地老
爱的路上只有我和你

好想牵你的手
走过风风雨雨
有什么困难我都陪着你
直到天长地久
直到天荒地老
爱的路上只有我和你

It's over.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [absolutely totally like fucking crap.] =

Ever since I said "I love you."

I've never regretted it.

I like you for liking black and the number 7.
I like you for showing me the "teio" sign.
I like you when you shake yourself and say "reggae-ton!".
I like you when you sai nai at me.
I like you for being the straightforward person that you are.
I like you for being the family oriented person that you are.
I like you for how much you value your family and friends.
I like you for being serious and committed to your work.
I like you for telling me the songs that you want me to sing to you.
I like you for the random kisses you give when we go out.
I like you when you're wearing your specs.
I like you for using the same perfume as me.
I like you for telling me what our future children would be like.
I like you when you're singing.
I like you when you call me dear.
I like you when you hug me.
I like you the most... for being just... who you are.

I'm sorry if I ever gave you doubts.
I'm sorry if I ever do sound weak.
I'm sorry if I've ever made you angry.
I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel pressured.
I'm sorry if I've ever make you feel awkward.
I'm sorry if I've ever believed in my friends' bad advice.

Why can't things go back the way it was before?

The change I'm undergoing is making me feel uncomfortable. I don't mind.

My friends tell me,
"What kind of girlfriend doesn't even wanna meet you at all especially since you've travelled half of Singapore just to see her?"
"What kind of girlfriend rather meets her friends then you?"
"What kind of girlfriend would rather sms then talk to you?"

I DON'T CARE.

I LIKE HER FOR WHAT SHE IS.

as if she'll ever see this.

My friends keep telling me this,

"Be a man. Tell her to fuck off. Don't regret about it thereafter. If she thinks about you, she'll bother."

I CAN'T.
YOU FUCKS.
WHICH PART OF THE FUCKING LINES DON'T YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND.
I CAN'T. KAN NIN NAH BEH CHEE BYE.

As what I always think... there's a clear line between like and love. For me to even mutter the word love says alot. She says that I'm pressuring her. I'm too good to her. She feels cornered. She doesn't feel that our relationship is stable enough. Am I too overwhelming? Am I asking too much to get loved in return? I just want a girl who can love me for what/who I am. I thought this current thing is what I wanted.

I just need to be loved.

She's going over to Bangkok on Fri. A short trip to visit her friend. Can I be the one to welcome her back to SG on Sun? I doubt. Since she's made it so clear.

I don't care about her past.
I don't care.

I just feel...

It's a fucking waste. The things that took place. It's a fucking waste.

I always believe, fate brings people together. I believe that fate brought us together.

But when she told me that "Do you wan to call it off"

Man...

It cut like a knife. Bled like a river.

All I wanted was a confirmation.

Who am I to you? Who do you regard me as? Is that such a tough question to answer?

I know that I've told you before that if we ever breakup, it wouldn't be as bad as my ex... but it's still freaking BAD.

MY HEART STILL PAIN LOR.

I just feel that I'm the one who started it all... ever since the lying incident. End of the day, it's my fault still. I had to be the one to lead to my own downfall.

If she ever reads this... I just wish that I could be the one waiting for you in the airport on Sunday... perhaps we need this period of time to cool down... I've given it alot of thought. I wouldn't have blabbered so much if you were just a passing phase. You touched my heart in the recent weeks.

The whole world tells me that you're not suitable for me.

They're not me.

My tears will only fall for those whom mean something to me.

My tears flowed tonight. Everytime I think of you. Everything that reminds me of you. Will you ever know? Do I sound so pressurizing? I'm not asking you to give your all... I just want things to be the same back where they were...

When the whole world doesn't believe in you...

I do.

Will you ever know of this entry I made in my blog??? I wouldn't know... As much as I want to tell you to read this... I know that it can't be forced. If you're meant to read it... you would. As I always say...

"Life is good and life goes on"

What a perfect time for me to practice what I preach. I guess I'll go smoke a fag at my window... wishing upon the stars like I always do...

for that miracle...

to happen in my life...

每当你离开我的时候...

= my speakers sing [王力宏 - Kiss Goodbye] = & = i'm feeling... [Crazy.] =

王力宏 - Kiss Goodbye

Baby不要再哭泣
这一幕多么熟悉
紧握着你的手彼此都舍不得分离
每一次想开口但不如保持安静
给我一分钟专心 好好欣赏你的美

幸福搭配悲伤
痛是在我心交叉
挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量
付出的爱收不回
还欠你的我不能给
别把我心也带走 去跟随~

每一次和你分开
深深的被你打败
每一次放弃你的温柔
痛苦 难以释怀
每一次和你分开
每一次kiss you Goodbye
爱情的滋味此刻我终于最明白

幸福搭配悲伤
痛是在我心交叉
挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量
付出的爱收不回
但欠你的我不能给
我才明白爱最真实的滋味

Something called love? roflmao.

= my speakers sing [Li Sheng Jie - Zui jin] = & = i'm feeling... [Moronish.] =

I just lied to someone.

She said, "I rather you lie to me then to tell me the truth"

The truth being, I go binge drinking.

She doesn't like it.

She told me that she'd rather I lie to her then to tell her that I go drinking.

Cos... she hates "酒鬼"s.

Her definition?

"No matter what amount you drink, as long as you drink more then twice per week...
You're a 酒鬼"

...

*raises both his hands*

Dang, I'm a god damn binge drinker.

Anyway,

Point being, I lied as I tried to hide the fact that I went George's just now. When I told her that I was at Simpang instead, I felt like instant crap. Erm... I felt like shit trying. God save me for trying in the first place. Shouldn't have since I don't like to lie to my gfs.

I couldn't live past my conscience, I called to apologize. She got pissed. I'm screwed. wuhahahahahahha. Don't really know if she even bothers to read these crap I'm blogging about. Then again, *refer to title header...* I don't give a *toot* to whoever, whatever blah blah blah...

I just feel bad about lying to someone you like. Don't you?

* I finally got my new pair of shoes !
* Now I need more shirts and a couple of accessories.

I'm stepping into my mid twenties.

= my speakers sing [张栋梁 - 只因为你] = & = i'm feeling... [Topsy-Turvy] =

I never guessed the feeling of mid twenties would be so, so, so ever. damn. fucked up. As much as I would like to defy the age... alot of people would say,

"wtf, you're only like 24. Still young la."

As much as I would like to flip all my birds(full pun intended), I would also wanna add a... "Young my lan ah !"

The idea of introducing myself as a mid-twenties guy is too revolutionary for me. ROFL. I can't get used to that... Could I? Zzz... I wanna be forever 18 !!!!

Only consolation this time round... I've seem to have found another silver lining in the stormy skies once again. Cept this time round... I think it comes with a rainbow ! :-D~

Well, I shan't talk much about it, lest I end up spouting rubbish AGAIN. I don't wanna spoil this through my brainless talking. ~(>.<)~

Anyway,

Though I received like only 1 solitary birthday present(Thanks, all my so-called friends. Chee bye.), I thoroughly enjoyed the day... Here are... some of the shots I took during the imprompt tu sessions with mao and the gang...

Did I mention that I simply love the only one present I received? :-D~




1700hrs - The start of it all... 2 magnum shots each at Beavers.



1730hrs - The engine's just gettin revved up.

1900hrs - Dinner Time ! Missed out taking some shots when me and mao were at Shanghai Jazz. Took only 1½ magnums of beer...


Infamous chicken rice.


A quick fag after the meal...


The orge gorging on. ROFL.


1930hrs - Was at some KTV pub opposite our dinner while waiting for the whole jean gang to arrive. Well, half of the jean gang la... rofl. Downed a quick jug of lao hor.

2000hrs - Back to Beavers for another quick couple of Stellas while waiting for Fio.

Fat boy once again.


2015hrs - All hail her highness of the wide faced clan in Mt Kususisaya.

2030hrs - Off we went to George's. Had another couple jugs of beers with intervals of vodka shooters. Lemon drops? Lime drops? Whatever drops? Urgh.

0100hrs - Mao is at my home. For the 6th and final round. JD on the rocks !

0200hrs - Party ends as mao scoots home in a hurry. He gotta work on the following day la...

That my friends, were only a "few" of the highlights that took place during the week. ROFL.

Anyway,

Another birthday has passed and as my age ascends, I always wonder...

"When I am going to experience this, when I am gonna start doing that?"

Well, for this year, I know that I had one of the best birthday dinners for my last 23 years.

:-D

I'm just bubbling with excitement at this point of time... hopefully she won't fizzle out on me...

I'm counting my lucky stars......... :-D~~~

It's ma B Day tomorrow !

= my speakers sing [Tunes of silence] = & = i'm feeling... [crappy] =

In approximately 22½hrs time, it'll be my birthday !

Yet...

I ain't happy.

Somebody help !

Is it that hard to find someone who can understand me?

Ha ha ha.

The irony of life.

I thought I found a special someone...

I guess...

I'm lost.

I so wanna get pissed drunk tonight.

:~

It's a su-ah-an-day!

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [ilke crap.] =

I'm stuck ! at home ! on a freaking sunday !

I don't know what to say... cept the fact that my binge drinking is getting worse. and the fact that I'm supposed to be "hitched", again. Then again... let's not dwell too much on that ya? nothings 100% confirmed. I'll release the news when it's confirmed.

...

讲了等于没讲。 妈的。 @#%(^#(%^)#%

Anyway,

There comes a point in time when you start to define the meaning of "relationship". 男人都是犯溅的。 During the woo-ing stages, suma da jalan... once together, the tune changes completely. The "I-don't-minds" said initially start to wreak havoc in the head.

"I don't mind this, I don't mind that"

I don't mind my lan ah !

Jealousy can kill a person. Physically or mentally. And it drives me to the edge of the toilet bowl just thinking about it. But who else can I blame but myself? I'm the cause of being in the wretched state now... Blah. No point whining at home when I can be out enjoying myself. Whining won't win me a million bucks. Buying 4D or toto can. Hur Hur Hur...

My pic appeared in nightlife.sg ! Was there with mao for Acid Bar's 3rd anniversary. Shiok ga dar ! Too bad wasn't able to stay for the crazy hour... $3 for every draft beer/housepour ! Dang !!!

I guess there'll always be other chances...

P/S: My day's coming soon ! I can't find a suitable place to drink ! I need a place to sleep over ! Any bright ideas? Anyone? :-D

Wah Piang.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [stoned.] =

Piang. Piang. Piang.

I really should be closing this blog down. My guess is that no one really bothers to give it a read anymore. Geez. It's not of a mental block or writer's block or sun block or HDB block. It's just that I'm sick and sian of blogging anymore. Eh... haven't I said this before. zzz. This blows.

Anyway,

Maybe I should rename this blog as "Cow's sick rants". Seems like only when I'm utterly sick then I'll have the mood to type some nonsensical shit in my blog. I'm down with a bad bout of flu, cough yadda yadda yadda. It's always the same old shit. Just that this time round, it seems to be more scary... a colleague of mine in the office has contracted some sort of bacterial infection which is supposedly contagious. Many of us are down with illnesses... Being one of those with the weakest immunity system... It's obvious that I'll be one of the next few infected... and this feeling sucks. No no... this blows. I really really hate to whine but I miss smoking and drinking. Z.

Anyway,

- I really need a new pair of shoes !
- I wanna buy Man U jerseys !
- I wanna watch Click !
- I wanna sing K !
- I wanna book a chalet in October ! Anyone interested?
- I wanna play more pool ! with my freaking cue !

Everything blows !

Eng-Cock-Lan and Brazeebyeil

= my speakers sing [李圣杰 - 很想说] = & = i'm feeling... [bored.] =

WC 2006 SPool 500 - HMS 0

Screw Brazil. Lost another hundred just because of them. They can take a bloody sampan home and samba their ass ! ... This is bad... with just 4 more matches to go... can I still salvage something from this WC mess? God save the queen... eh... they also go home already. ... will the germs army kill off the stylo azzuri? Or will the Cockadoos cock the port? Whatever it is... I better start to win. At least something. $%$&*$$%

光良 - 都是你

我望着天在心中默默念
下一秒你出现在眼前
想念的心装满的都是你
我的钢琴弹奏的都是你
我的日记写满的都是你的名
才发现又另一个黎明
这是我对你爱的累积

WC 2006 Update.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [broke.] =

Current World Cup Score,

SGPools 450 - H.M.S 0

I'm on a wonderful, powerful, amazing losing streak. ... which leads me to this latest of the long awaited HMS renditions... hopefully, the creativity I used here can be exercised in the betting arena. ROFL?

想哭 - 陈奕迅 Vs H.M.S (Betting Re-Mix) WC 2006

想约在一个适合赌球的下午
分开很多天我都一至在输球
我还打算回顾98年的结束
还想问你是不是还有在赌

当你的笑容给我信心的唤呼
当我想诉说这些年来的感触
你却叫我看internet forum练赌术
还介绍我半粒一粒着么丢

我想哭不敢哭
难道这种下注
不像我们梦寐以求的幸福
赌下去下场球
是jackpot还是痛苦

我想哭怎么哭
完成World Cup旅途
全部都中是最理想的出路
谈音乐谈时事不说球
每场jackpot原来是最美的结束

P/S: some pics and a video I took with my new phone ! :-D


I found paradise?



me... but not quite. rofl.



A very queer and eerie Spongebob toy I found at local departmental store...

Wish me luck for my upcoming bets !!! :-D

World Cup Fever !

= my speakers sing [Chn 5] = & = i'm feeling... [constipated.] =

It's time for World Cup fever to reign throughout Singapore !!!

Brazil and Germany better not let me down.

In preparing for the World Cup... Let yours truly say something in German...

Ich mag Bananen!

Ich mag Kartoffeln backen!

Ich mag grosse Würste!

Ich bin der getankte Spiritus!

Sie essen Scheiße zum Frühstück!

es gibt Ihre Blume in Ihrem Arschloch!

Freuen Sie sich! Fußball Fieber schlägt Singapur!

If you bother to translate... I don't even know vaat the vack I'm talking about. ROFL.

Gabra.

= my speakers sing [Xu Zhi An - Wo Hai Neng Ai Shui] = & = i'm feeling... [stoned.] =

I'm drunk.

I'm drunk.

I'm drunk.

Rofl.

Why the hell do i always feel the urge to blog whenever I'm drunk/sick?! (Seems like a very repitative start)

...

Anyway,

I need to sing. I need to vent my frustrations.

My new phone's functioning pretty well. I took quite a bit of photos & videos ! But I'm too lazy to upload...

I'm a slut.

I'm a bastard.

Please do not confuse yourself if you don't understand this post.

I don't either.

I just need to sing.

Maybe I should post my audio clips...

赖蛤蟆想吃天鸸肉。 ROFL.

I think too much. :-P

Fooooo ~ It's been a month plus !

= my speakers sing [Liu Geng Hong - Cai Hong Tian Tang] = & = i'm feeling... [sick] =

Why the hell do I always have the urge to blog whenever I feel sick. What the hell? Now what's wrong with me? I feel feverish and I seriously hope it's not the virus thats been moving around my office lately. Two of my colleagues have been hit and they are having fever + cough + all sorts of bodyaches for the past 2 - 3 weeks. Freak.

What's been happening to me since end March you say, nothing much... It's the same old same old cycle of work eat sleep drink work eat sleep drink. So freaking boring. But there's a new place of interest though. Located near Siglap Centre, it doubles as our "Neighbourhood Kopitiam" since it's the nearest place to our homes to drink for a jug at $20/- only. And when I say "our" I mean the whole dang gang. Spent quite a lot there already and proof is that my beer belly seems to be growing bigger each day. *Note* Will seriously consider cutting down on alcohol since IPPT is around the corner. Hm... Blah. Excuses.

Have I mentioned that I had been to the "loof" at Bras Basah? Not really Bras Basah, next to Odeon Towers... It's the new hippy place to be caught at in SG, or so I think. I must admit that the idea is there... a total rooftop experience a la your balcony on the third storey of your bungalow. The decor is rather nice, the trees and the rounded seats I find very amusing, the mattresses inside... too kinky. Head on down to the webbie to find out more.
My 2 cents worth? ...
Worthy of a visit.
Once.
When it's raining.
Before 9pm.
Period.

Oh ya... I changed my handphone as well, for those that had not seen me for the past month or so... I finally have a freaking handphone that plays MP3 ! ... I feel so outdated and old.*)#^%#(%* Anyway, It's still a SamSung. But I guess instead of the E760, E770 or the E730 that I was considering, *Note all of'em are flippies ! I decided to go for style rather then functionality this time. I got the D820, touted as the world's slimest slide-up phone... So far so good... I'm loving the phone every minute... another reason is also because of the fact that I got it for free... ROFL.

Anyway,

My bed seems to want me to rest more... since I gotta work tomorrow. Hopefully the next update I'll be able to post some pics that I took with my phone ! :-D

B O R I N G

= my speakers sing [王力宏 - Kiss Goodbye] = & = i'm feeling... [Tired] =

Stoned.
Boring.
Need new phone.
Been down to BQ too often lately.

歌曲：Kiss Goodbye
歌手：王力宏
专辑：盖世英雄

Baby不要再哭泣
这一幕多么熟悉
紧握着你的手彼此都舍不得分离
每一次想开口但不如保持安静
给我一分钟专心
好好欣赏你的美

幸福搭配悲伤
痛是在我心交叉
挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量
付出的爱收不回
还欠你的我不能给
别把我心也带走
去跟随

每一次和你分开
深深的被你打败
每一次放弃你的温柔
痛苦难以释怀
每一次和你分开
每一次kiss you goodbye
爱情的滋味此刻我终于最明白

幸福搭配悲伤
痛是在我心交叉
挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量
但出的爱收不回
还欠你的我不能给
我才明白爱最真实的滋味

每一次和你分开
深深的被你打败
每一次放弃你的温柔
痛苦难以释怀
每一次和你分开
每一次kiss you goodbye
爱情的滋味此刻我终于最明白

I find myself listening to too much Chinese songs lately... I wonder why...

Expired Beer.

= my speakers sing [许志安 - 为什么你背着我爱别人] = & = i'm feeling... [bored and fucked up.] =

I'm on my 2nd bottle of expired beer. Cool. Can't really remember how many cartons of Heineken I got from Gibson... 1+some of his stock? or was it some of his stock only? ... ... ...
Just found out that the bottle I'm having has expired since Feb... Cool.

Anyway,

Just had supper at Simpang with Gib, Sis, Beau and Lyv. Didn't expect Lyv to be so erm... "on" about Simpang. Makes a whole lot of difference when someone stays in the Eastern area. Really never expect her to be the one "jio-ing" me to Simpang. Rofl.

Anyway,

What the fuck am I blabbering. ... Hm... time for me to start whining about work. Work... Gotta work in 4 hrs time. Yet I'm still blabbering whilst high on expired beer. ROFL. This is gonna be a keeper in my head. Expired? Fuck dates ! Beer is still beer ! Always good. ALWAYS ! LOL. Ok. I digress. Back to work... just had a big quarrel with my "boss" and I mean those really "BIG" quarrel where you lay everything on the table and spit all the shit you normally won't, out. Let's just say... the future's looking pretty bleak for this cow... BLAH. SCREW HIS MUTHAFUGGIN ASS. :-D~

I'm missing out on drinking with mao... pool... KTV... LOL. I'm missing out on everything! For all you readers now... I may seem to be super+duper high. Maybe not. I'm having a silent revolution in my head now. Blasting my music on my headphones. Talking to myself in my head... carving what's left of my career+future... blah blah blah... I need to refrain myself from thinking about work after work. This is seriously stressing me out.

Anyway,

I don't really know if she'll see this, but I don't really care. Not as if I've been faced with rejection staring straight at my face. ROFL? But I'm really interested in getting to know her better... just seems like my luck with people my age do not, I repeat, DO NOT seem to go well. Argh. I'm rusty with girls! Simply rusty. This fucking sucks to the core.

- I hate having low self esteem.
- I hate having no conf!d3nce in myself.
- I hate whining on my blog about how fucked I feel about myself. (contradicting bastard.)

... I should really delete this post. I'm not making sense in any-fucking-way at all. Cool. :-D

Inappropriate naming...

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [cramps in my stomach] =

Imagine if you named your dog "Pussy"...

Friend: Hello... What's been up?
You: Nothing much... I just got a new "Pussy".
Friend: !?
You: Hang on a min... my Pussy's hungry.
Friend: ?!?! You feed it?!
You: Ya... why not? When it's hungry, it'll let me know.
Friend: WTF? What do you feed it with?
You: Depends lor... normally I'll go to the supermart to grab some daily food... if my pussy's lucky, I'll cook sausages and spaghetti!
Friend: O_O"

*Ring* *Ring*

You: I need your help!
Friend: ???
You: My pussy just got hit by a truck !
Friend: !!!
You: I'm rushing it to the hospital now... Hope it survives !
Friend: !!!???

*Ring* *Ring*

Friend: *Embarrassed tone* So how's your er... pussy?
You: Phew, when I rushed to the hospital, the doctor told me that though the accident looked serious, my pussy would be up and running in no time...
Friend: AH?
You: Yea, but he said that my pussy will require 12 stiches to prevent major bleeding...
Friend: HAR?
You: It's nothing really...not that painful... after the anesthetic sets in... my pussy was even smiling at me during the op !
Friend: *FAINTED*

*Ring* *Ring*

Friend: *Accustomed tone* So hows your pussy?
You: *Sobbing* My pussy just died !!!
Friend: !?!??!?!!? What happened?
You: My pussy contracted some terminal disease and I just had to put it to sleep !
Friend: *lost* and thus?
You: I'm gonna miss my pussy... but my daddy got me something new...
Friend: ???
You: I just got a replacement "Dick".

Sigh.

= my speakers sing [cool song.] = & = i'm feeling... [same as below.] =


歌曲：我还能爱谁

歌手：许志安 专辑：我还能爱谁

中文词:林夕

睡梦中的人
不了解我的累
我也不原谅你的美
它让我体会
这个世界真的有
十全十美
却无所谓后悔
会妥协的人
不明白我自卑
就像我不容许我气馁
我真的以为
要感动最完美的玫瑰
如果要奉献我眼泪
除了你谁都不能给

见过你的美
我还能爱谁
我一路的追意
冷却不心灰
我的世界
走不出你背影的范围

没有你
会面目全非
我还能爱谁
放弃其它玫瑰
这是一种愚蠢的智慧
困在只有你的堡垒
享受讨好你的滋味

HDD crashes sucks.

= my speakers sing [im not home.] = & = i'm feeling... [not high and stoned.] =

I just realised my mobo supports SATA and I actually have 2 SATA ports. ...

cool.

Fuck.

it's that time of the year again.

= my speakers sing [许志安 - 我还能爱谁] = & = i'm feeling... [super bored.] =

a walk by the beach -footwear

a candlelight dinner

a bouquet of roses

a basket of ferrero rochers and a couple of teddy bears

a heart shaped cake

balloons in various shapes and sizes

a special card for conveying of feelings

self composed 20 second songs

dedcations on the radio

declaration in a newspaper ad

of course, a ring.

blah blah blah. It's Valentine's day again.

Self Content.

= my speakers sing [五月天 - 知足] = & = i'm feeling... [sehz.] =

歌曲：知足
歌手:五月天

怎么去拥有一道彩虹
怎么去拥抱一夏天的风
天上的星星笑地上的人
总是不能懂不能知道足够

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有

当一阵风吹来
风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷
而祝福而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛

那天你和我那个山丘
那样的唱着那一年的歌
那样的回忆那么足够
足够我天天都品尝着寂寞
才发现笑着哭最痛wo…
如果你快乐再不是为我

知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛
知足的快乐
叫我忍受心痛

What a start.

= my speakers sing [周杰伦 - 枫] = & = i'm feeling... [confused and crazy] =

Chinese New Year is around the corner !!! Been temporarily transferred for office hours since last Wed to today for some really sai kang. It's not that bad... just that the constant staring at the monitors... fwoh. Very straining ladies and gentlemen. The best part, I'm sick now. How cool is that. A couple of more days to CNY and dear mr Cow is sick, fever, sorethroat and all. What kinda start is this?!

Don't think there'll be much celebrations this year... things seem to die down more as the years go past. I don't even think I'll be able to make it back for 年夜饭 on Sat... Hopefully my supervisor will realise the importance of that special meal for the Chinese... First day of CNY, I'm on leave but with the possibility of being called back for work. How wonderful/great/cool is that. (KNNBCCB.) Whatever man, come what may.

Been enjoying my PSP alot since it's arrival... after sorting out the minor details... managed to get the first two isos running... since this is rather sensitive... I'll just put it as its been a whole bag of fun and I'm really enjoying it currently. :-D

Anyway,

Hm... still surprised at that "thing" which happened during year end celebrations... on the surprise scale, i'll have to rate it a 10/10. To think that the two sneaky cockers got together on that day or perhaps even earlier is still... surprising... But still, (You know who you two are.) I feel like it's a good match. Good guy meets good girl through bad friend(A.K.A lim peh) and all's well that ends well. I only have heartfelt congratulations for the two of'em,(Either one of you reads this, tell the other to read also hor. Seldom I write this kind of thing one.)

Congratulations the two of you.
Though be-friending was based on sheer chance,
it's a joy that something good can blossom out of it..
Treasure what you have, cherish every moment...
Most importantly, have trust, faith and believe in each other.
I'm pretty sure this is something good in the brewing.

The two of you don't screw this up hor ! :-D

Signing off... Elated Cow.
(Always remember... 你快乐就是我快乐...)

"moments"...

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [bored.] =

Been two weeks since the new year... Not really hyped for the new year. Nothing much to elaborate about the celebration either... cept the fact that someone got hitched... *wink* *wink*. No resolutions set... just wish that I can get through this year peacefully without much trouble...

Anyway,

Recent updates... in point form !

→ 0 New Year resolutions set.

→ Finally got my PSP.

→ Got my hands on a new GFX, Sapphire ATI Radeon 9800Pro 256MB.

→ Not been drinking much.

→ Back to playing Mu-Online, not global but on a private server.

Anymore updates will come... when I'm in the mood to babble... rofl.