It's over.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [absolutely totally like fucking crap.] =

Ever since I said "I love you."

I've never regretted it.

I like you for liking black and the number 7.
I like you for showing me the "teio" sign.
I like you when you shake yourself and say "reggae-ton!".
I like you when you sai nai at me.
I like you for being the straightforward person that you are.
I like you for being the family oriented person that you are.
I like you for how much you value your family and friends.
I like you for being serious and committed to your work.
I like you for telling me the songs that you want me to sing to you.
I like you for the random kisses you give when we go out.
I like you when you're wearing your specs.
I like you for using the same perfume as me.
I like you for telling me what our future children would be like.
I like you when you're singing.
I like you when you call me dear.
I like you when you hug me.
I like you the most... for being just... who you are.

I'm sorry if I ever gave you doubts.
I'm sorry if I ever do sound weak.
I'm sorry if I've ever made you angry.
I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel pressured.
I'm sorry if I've ever make you feel awkward.
I'm sorry if I've ever believed in my friends' bad advice.

Why can't things go back the way it was before?

The change I'm undergoing is making me feel uncomfortable. I don't mind.

My friends tell me,
"What kind of girlfriend doesn't even wanna meet you at all especially since you've travelled half of Singapore just to see her?"
"What kind of girlfriend rather meets her friends then you?"
"What kind of girlfriend would rather sms then talk to you?"

I DON'T CARE.

I LIKE HER FOR WHAT SHE IS.

as if she'll ever see this.

My friends keep telling me this,

"Be a man. Tell her to fuck off. Don't regret about it thereafter. If she thinks about you, she'll bother."

I CAN'T.
YOU FUCKS.
WHICH PART OF THE FUCKING LINES DON'T YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND.
I CAN'T. KAN NIN NAH BEH CHEE BYE.

As what I always think... there's a clear line between like and love. For me to even mutter the word love says alot. She says that I'm pressuring her. I'm too good to her. She feels cornered. She doesn't feel that our relationship is stable enough. Am I too overwhelming? Am I asking too much to get loved in return? I just want a girl who can love me for what/who I am. I thought this current thing is what I wanted.

I just need to be loved.

She's going over to Bangkok on Fri. A short trip to visit her friend. Can I be the one to welcome her back to SG on Sun? I doubt. Since she's made it so clear.

I don't care about her past.
I don't care.

I just feel...

It's a fucking waste. The things that took place. It's a fucking waste.

I always believe, fate brings people together. I believe that fate brought us together.

But when she told me that "Do you wan to call it off"

Man...

It cut like a knife. Bled like a river.

All I wanted was a confirmation.

Who am I to you? Who do you regard me as? Is that such a tough question to answer?

I know that I've told you before that if we ever breakup, it wouldn't be as bad as my ex... but it's still freaking BAD.

MY HEART STILL PAIN LOR.

I just feel that I'm the one who started it all... ever since the lying incident. End of the day, it's my fault still. I had to be the one to lead to my own downfall.

If she ever reads this... I just wish that I could be the one waiting for you in the airport on Sunday... perhaps we need this period of time to cool down... I've given it alot of thought. I wouldn't have blabbered so much if you were just a passing phase. You touched my heart in the recent weeks.

The whole world tells me that you're not suitable for me.

They're not me.

My tears will only fall for those whom mean something to me.

My tears flowed tonight. Everytime I think of you. Everything that reminds me of you. Will you ever know? Do I sound so pressurizing? I'm not asking you to give your all... I just want things to be the same back where they were...

When the whole world doesn't believe in you...

I do.

Will you ever know of this entry I made in my blog??? I wouldn't know... As much as I want to tell you to read this... I know that it can't be forced. If you're meant to read it... you would. As I always say...

"Life is good and life goes on"

What a perfect time for me to practice what I preach. I guess I'll go smoke a fag at my window... wishing upon the stars like I always do...

for that miracle...

to happen in my life...

每当你离开我的时候...

= my speakers sing [王力宏 - Kiss Goodbye] = & = i'm feeling... [Crazy.] =

王力宏 - Kiss Goodbye

Baby不要再哭泣
这一幕多么熟悉
紧握着你的手彼此都舍不得分离
每一次想开口但不如保持安静
给我一分钟专心 好好欣赏你的美

幸福搭配悲伤
痛是在我心交叉
挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量
付出的爱收不回
还欠你的我不能给
别把我心也带走 去跟随~

每一次和你分开
深深的被你打败
每一次放弃你的温柔
痛苦 难以释怀
每一次和你分开
每一次kiss you Goodbye
爱情的滋味此刻我终于最明白

幸福搭配悲伤
痛是在我心交叉
挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量
付出的爱收不回
但欠你的我不能给
我才明白爱最真实的滋味

Something called love? roflmao.

= my speakers sing [Li Sheng Jie - Zui jin] = & = i'm feeling... [Moronish.] =

I just lied to someone.

She said, "I rather you lie to me then to tell me the truth"

The truth being, I go binge drinking.

She doesn't like it.

She told me that she'd rather I lie to her then to tell her that I go drinking.

Cos... she hates "酒鬼"s.

Her definition?

"No matter what amount you drink, as long as you drink more then twice per week...
You're a 酒鬼"

...

*raises both his hands*

Dang, I'm a god damn binge drinker.

Anyway,

Point being, I lied as I tried to hide the fact that I went George's just now. When I told her that I was at Simpang instead, I felt like instant crap. Erm... I felt like shit trying. God save me for trying in the first place. Shouldn't have since I don't like to lie to my gfs.

I couldn't live past my conscience, I called to apologize. She got pissed. I'm screwed. wuhahahahahahha. Don't really know if she even bothers to read these crap I'm blogging about. Then again, *refer to title header...* I don't give a *toot* to whoever, whatever blah blah blah...

I just feel bad about lying to someone you like. Don't you?

* I finally got my new pair of shoes !
* Now I need more shirts and a couple of accessories.

I'm stepping into my mid twenties.

= my speakers sing [张栋梁 - 只因为你] = & = i'm feeling... [Topsy-Turvy] =

I never guessed the feeling of mid twenties would be so, so, so ever. damn. fucked up. As much as I would like to defy the age... alot of people would say,

"wtf, you're only like 24. Still young la."

As much as I would like to flip all my birds(full pun intended), I would also wanna add a... "Young my lan ah !"

The idea of introducing myself as a mid-twenties guy is too revolutionary for me. ROFL. I can't get used to that... Could I? Zzz... I wanna be forever 18 !!!!

Only consolation this time round... I've seem to have found another silver lining in the stormy skies once again. Cept this time round... I think it comes with a rainbow ! :-D~

Well, I shan't talk much about it, lest I end up spouting rubbish AGAIN. I don't wanna spoil this through my brainless talking. ~(>.<)~

Anyway,

Though I received like only 1 solitary birthday present(Thanks, all my so-called friends. Chee bye.), I thoroughly enjoyed the day... Here are... some of the shots I took during the imprompt tu sessions with mao and the gang...

Did I mention that I simply love the only one present I received? :-D~




1700hrs - The start of it all... 2 magnum shots each at Beavers.



1730hrs - The engine's just gettin revved up.

1900hrs - Dinner Time ! Missed out taking some shots when me and mao were at Shanghai Jazz. Took only 1½ magnums of beer...


Infamous chicken rice.


A quick fag after the meal...


The orge gorging on. ROFL.


1930hrs - Was at some KTV pub opposite our dinner while waiting for the whole jean gang to arrive. Well, half of the jean gang la... rofl. Downed a quick jug of lao hor.

2000hrs - Back to Beavers for another quick couple of Stellas while waiting for Fio.

Fat boy once again.


2015hrs - All hail her highness of the wide faced clan in Mt Kususisaya.

2030hrs - Off we went to George's. Had another couple jugs of beers with intervals of vodka shooters. Lemon drops? Lime drops? Whatever drops? Urgh.

0100hrs - Mao is at my home. For the 6th and final round. JD on the rocks !

0200hrs - Party ends as mao scoots home in a hurry. He gotta work on the following day la...

That my friends, were only a "few" of the highlights that took place during the week. ROFL.

Anyway,

Another birthday has passed and as my age ascends, I always wonder...

"When I am going to experience this, when I am gonna start doing that?"

Well, for this year, I know that I had one of the best birthday dinners for my last 23 years.

:-D

I'm just bubbling with excitement at this point of time... hopefully she won't fizzle out on me...

I'm counting my lucky stars......... :-D~~~

It's ma B Day tomorrow !

= my speakers sing [Tunes of silence] = & = i'm feeling... [crappy] =

In approximately 22½hrs time, it'll be my birthday !

Yet...

I ain't happy.

Somebody help !

Is it that hard to find someone who can understand me?

Ha ha ha.

The irony of life.

I thought I found a special someone...

I guess...

I'm lost.

I so wanna get pissed drunk tonight.

:~