It's over.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [absolutely totally like fucking crap.] =

Ever since I said "I love you."

I've never regretted it.

I like you for liking black and the number 7.
I like you for showing me the "teio" sign.
I like you when you shake yourself and say "reggae-ton!".
I like you when you sai nai at me.
I like you for being the straightforward person that you are.
I like you for being the family oriented person that you are.
I like you for how much you value your family and friends.
I like you for being serious and committed to your work.
I like you for telling me the songs that you want me to sing to you.
I like you for the random kisses you give when we go out.
I like you when you're wearing your specs.
I like you for using the same perfume as me.
I like you for telling me what our future children would be like.
I like you when you're singing.
I like you when you call me dear.
I like you when you hug me.
I like you the most... for being just... who you are.

I'm sorry if I ever gave you doubts.
I'm sorry if I ever do sound weak.
I'm sorry if I've ever made you angry.
I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel pressured.
I'm sorry if I've ever make you feel awkward.
I'm sorry if I've ever believed in my friends' bad advice.

Why can't things go back the way it was before?

The change I'm undergoing is making me feel uncomfortable. I don't mind.

My friends tell me,
"What kind of girlfriend doesn't even wanna meet you at all especially since you've travelled half of Singapore just to see her?"
"What kind of girlfriend rather meets her friends then you?"
"What kind of girlfriend would rather sms then talk to you?"

I DON'T CARE.

I LIKE HER FOR WHAT SHE IS.

as if she'll ever see this.

My friends keep telling me this,

"Be a man. Tell her to fuck off. Don't regret about it thereafter. If she thinks about you, she'll bother."

I CAN'T.
YOU FUCKS.
WHICH PART OF THE FUCKING LINES DON'T YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND.
I CAN'T. KAN NIN NAH BEH CHEE BYE.

As what I always think... there's a clear line between like and love. For me to even mutter the word love says alot. She says that I'm pressuring her. I'm too good to her. She feels cornered. She doesn't feel that our relationship is stable enough. Am I too overwhelming? Am I asking too much to get loved in return? I just want a girl who can love me for what/who I am. I thought this current thing is what I wanted.

I just need to be loved.

She's going over to Bangkok on Fri. A short trip to visit her friend. Can I be the one to welcome her back to SG on Sun? I doubt. Since she's made it so clear.

I don't care about her past.
I don't care.

I just feel...

It's a fucking waste. The things that took place. It's a fucking waste.

I always believe, fate brings people together. I believe that fate brought us together.

But when she told me that "Do you wan to call it off"

Man...

It cut like a knife. Bled like a river.

All I wanted was a confirmation.

Who am I to you? Who do you regard me as? Is that such a tough question to answer?

I know that I've told you before that if we ever breakup, it wouldn't be as bad as my ex... but it's still freaking BAD.

MY HEART STILL PAIN LOR.

I just feel that I'm the one who started it all... ever since the lying incident. End of the day, it's my fault still. I had to be the one to lead to my own downfall.

If she ever reads this... I just wish that I could be the one waiting for you in the airport on Sunday... perhaps we need this period of time to cool down... I've given it alot of thought. I wouldn't have blabbered so much if you were just a passing phase. You touched my heart in the recent weeks.

The whole world tells me that you're not suitable for me.

They're not me.

My tears will only fall for those whom mean something to me.

My tears flowed tonight. Everytime I think of you. Everything that reminds me of you. Will you ever know? Do I sound so pressurizing? I'm not asking you to give your all... I just want things to be the same back where they were...

When the whole world doesn't believe in you...

I do.

Will you ever know of this entry I made in my blog??? I wouldn't know... As much as I want to tell you to read this... I know that it can't be forced. If you're meant to read it... you would. As I always say...

"Life is good and life goes on"

What a perfect time for me to practice what I preach. I guess I'll go smoke a fag at my window... wishing upon the stars like I always do...

for that miracle...

to happen in my life...