moments of worry. hero or zero?

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [scared.] =

managed to meet up and spent the entire day after work with her before her flight... dropped by her friend's house for a tan(i didnt tan. i dont ever tan. hahaha.) ate some very spicy n weird tasting pizza... afterwhich i "exchanged" a few pointers with her friend on DefJam: FFNY and i should apologise... i've been playing the game for quite some time and he just got started not long ago... oops? heh, surprisingly had a round of mahjong before leaving... win! $1.90. lol. she needs more practice. sent her home n waited while she prepared for the flight. apparently the whole family came home at around nearly the same time... her mom gave me a scary look (E.g. what the hell is this guy doing here. ROFL) ms forgetful remembered the timing of her flight wrongly ! haa. luckily made it on time but her departure was rather haste... haiz...

anyway,

saw sylvester(singapore idiot sly) just now outside my hq ! visiting maya? lol. didnt expect him to be so short and lame-beng. and all that commercial on whiter teeth? my ass ! he smokes like any other regular singaporean beng ! geez... well, met up with gib n mel just now... mel just bought a book on Absolut ! appropriately named, "The Absolut Book." a sort of pictorial on their advertisment campaign and very nice ! gib bought an iPod ! wtf?! dont like it man. prefer my zen still. lol.

anyway,

updated them on my status... anticipating the arrival of sunday. this is some intense shit! argh. cant stop thinking about her. i think im goin kuku. if i get to sit alone, i'll start to think about her. am i turning psycho? rofl. the truth is... 99% of me is trying to convince myself negative shit so even if i fail, it wont b that bad? 1% is secretly hoping it'll work out? (so bloody pessimistic. but i dont really like to be over confident.) but i cant help but feel sad even thinking about it. well, the more you think, the more shit pops up. im such an ass. i cant really screw this up. this is how important it is to me. but... there is always the "her" factor. well, whatever comes from her, i cant help it, right? i just hope that i've done enough for her to give me a chance. i seem to be bloody pessimistic. argh. i just hope my corny-ness did not scare/put her off. gahaha. this will be the longest 3 days of my life so far... but... as i mentioned in my previous posts, as long as she is happy, im happy too. be it whether i'll b able to give happiness to her one way or another. im scaring myself way too much. suddenly, richard marx is playing in my head. Lyrics.

this post feels weird. these rants seem to be damaging my personality. oh man... im turning in a tetra-whiner ! haa?