compatibility issues.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [relieved and excited.] =

i read this article on how a couple get attracted and sustaining the relationship... other than attitudes and personalities, compatibility will get a couple together... but its how understanding and coming to truth with incompatibilities of one another that will sustain a relationship... come to think about it... ya, pretty much true. if we share the same interests, hobbies, food blah blah, we would have a whole lotta topics to talk about... but if i cannot tahan some of the things she says/do, then she cannot tahan some of the things that i say/do, then how are we supposed to continue with each other knowing that we cannot get over those differences? thats why i feel communication n trust very important in a relationship. understanding incompatibilities will help strengthen a relationship in more ways then one... i certainly hope that she would come to understand me one day... and mayb even fall in love with me knowing the kinda shitty person that i am ! im just hoping that all will turn out fine... not really expecting anything to happen but just hoping... and keeping the faith of course. hah.

anyway,

had a talk with her just now over the above mentioned issues, actually wanted to "say my peace" before i could just carry on with my sad life... but things, i guess, took a twisted turn before i could just let her go like that... no... thats not me. i will put up a fight for something, someone for that matter that means so much to me. since she's always been mentioning that she wanted to take things really slow. i guess instead of down gearing, we've slackened the pace back many notches. not exclusive... no strings attached... i quote from her... just... friends... so i guess i'll b dating her again...(!?) im hoping that she'll see and understand more of me... mayb she'll realise im the perfect/not perfect one for her in the end... i cant see a future, mayb thats wats making me feel relieved... and at the same time excited... thats what she really wants i guess... time to hit the drawing board for lomantico dating ideas! amao was right... females do love courtship... the whole process... who doesn't love to be woo-ed? woot!?

its been awhile...

= my speakers sing [李圣杰 - 手放开] = & = i'm feeling... [the same emptiness.] =

trying to immerse myself with work... trying to hang out with my friends more... not really much of use... i hate this feeling. i simply hate it. i hate myself for feeling like this. does she knows? i dont know... i still think about what we did for the past 3 weeks... its still very vivid... so close... so unbelivable... why am i still whining like a fucking dumb sore loser... feeling fucking totally useless... where is my focus? my concentration... it's really not the same anymore... i don't blame her for it. to put it bluntly, i brought it on myself... deep down i could see it coming but still... i couldn't help it... i tried, we tried... it's really such a shame to end it this way... really a bloody shame...

i was thinking about what i said to her on that fateful day... all those unhappiness i felt... i just realised, it's not that i don't approve of her lifestyle... i've never said a no... it did make me feel like crap, in misery, jealous in fact... but i didn't mind it... i was getting used to it... i was getting used to the fact that she must have time with her friends, her time alone... i thought i could adapt to it... it's not that i couldn't... i didnt have time to show for it... i really didnt mind feeling like that... i wouldnt mind, cos i'll still have her by my side... i still remember when she told me... "can you don't be so loving..." didnt really appeal to her how much that cuts like a knife... i'm not blaming her... she was patient with me throughout the entire 3 weeks... even though she told me that she wasn't even remotely giving... she did. she really did. when she msged me to ask about my day... the way she looked in my eyes during our conversations... when she held my hand... when she would never reject giving me a hug... those were the kind of moments that made me feel secure... and truly elated. pure joy. pure heaven. really those type in a world of it's own... i really felt the best in my whole 23 years... and when i said "i feel like the luckiest man alive." i did... it's not that its over now... but to tell me to carry on with my life without her is hard... so hard... but i still have to go on... as i would say, "life is good and life goes on..." that really feels like a slap on my face... i guess no one can really follow what they preach...

my friend told me something... "maybe it's because of 4yrs+ without a relationship and you yearn to be affectionate and loving... what more i can see that you truly love this girl... im sad for you cos you didnt even really had a chance to experience something good..." very true... but there's just something about her that keeps me going... i cant really put it to words... its more like, she's my x-factor... she brightens up the room for me when she enters... she brightens up my world when i see her smile... i feel so loved when i look in her eyes...

how scared she is of being able to give commitment i wouldn't know... i guess her past relationship really gave her a huge sense of insecurity... "i'm afraid to commit cos i'm afraid to be hurt again... i gave it my all in my previous relationship and i failed... i dont want to ever feel like that again... you'll never know what might happen lor... and i don't want to waste your time cos i'm all screwed up..." i guess thats what she would/could say... i guess, she still doesn't really know the extent of my love towards her... maybe to her it's like a moment thing... maybe it'll just last for a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, a few months, a few years... maybe it'll die off one day... who can give an answer? if not, why are divorce cases in singapore on the rise? cos the people whom thought that they would be together forever suddenly realised one day that they were not really meant to be? who can promise someone eternity? "make merry now and worry later..." such an unresponsible phrase... yet, so many people abide by it... i could promise her eternity... would she believe it? she was once in an all time high, but crumbled down to all time low... now she's afraid of getting up the ladder again, afraid of being thrown down... the knocks would be even harder... she doesn't want to risk it... she needs to clear her doubts and slowly climb up the ladder again... very slowly... i would say that i would be the hand that stables her if she decides to climb and open my arms for her if she slips... would she believe it? 1001 things i could say that would sound so wonderful... would she have faith in me? but... thats all what i think only... no one would know what she's really thinking of except for herself... for her to accept someone else new with such overwhelming affection is near to impossible... maybe its possible... slowly... really slowly... i'm trying to carry on with life... but i can never ever be able to forget... and yes, i will still be keeping the faith, that she would have faith in me one day... that something good will blossom... something that both of us can hold dearly to our hearts... something that would never end... yes... keeping the faith.

cursed are those who fall prey to the blessing of love.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [empty.] =

i've never really felt like this before... something that could have been so great, wonderful... lost in an instant... my faith will not waiver... it's still trying to hold on... but im feeling so empty... i'm trying my best to carry on with my life... but it's just not the same anymore... i've had a taste of pure heaven... i cannot find myself to let it go... will i ever feel like this for another person ever again? i dont think so... the thing is... will i love again? i dont know... i just don't know...

just when i thought i had found something that would complete me... it disappeared just as fast as it came... does she still have something for me? is there such a wrong thing for loving someone too much? i wonder... everything around me reminds me of her... the places i walk, shows on tv, conversations of people, shops... even my own house... i took another one of those long walks again today... but i found myself at the park where i had brought her... sat down in the same bench where we sat... just sitting there... it was as if, she was still next to me... so close, so close... yet... so far... i dont want to pressure her... but i can only wait... for the day where she can finally let go... maybe, just maybe, i'll find myself together with her again, in each others' arms. it sounds like a pathetic excuse... but i cant find any other words to describe the feelings inside of me... its so sad yet... i believe so much in it. if only... if only... so many more things i want to tell her, do with her... i choose not to make it a dream but a reality... for now... i can only hope... and keep the faith.

whatever happens, please... dont stop me from loving you...

i feel down. really down.

= my speakers sing [李圣杰 - 手放开] = & = i'm feeling... [pessimistic.] =

i think i havent done enough...
i think i wanted to help someone get over something but i failed...
but i want her to know...
im still feeling very deeply for her...
i dont think she wants to hear me say i'll wait for her...
but...
i really cannot let go.
i really dont want to see it end this way...
will she give me a chance to tide her thru and create better memories?

i dont know...
really...
i dont know...

把爱收进胸前左边口袋 最好的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台 有人走就有人来
我的心是一个车牌 写着等待

what went wrong?

= my speakers sing [silence.] = & = i'm feeling... [VERY depressed.] =

was there something that I did wrong?

was there something that I did not do enough?

was there something that I didn't do?

I'm lost, I don't know that to do...

I don't like this kind of feeling at all.

I'm not a good person.

I'm still very confused.

I tend to think on the pessimistic side.

What's wrong with me?

I hate myself sometimes.

I hate not understanding the situation.

I hate to feel lonely.

I hate to see people I love fighting their own war without me.

I'm very confused, sad and puzzled.

What am I? Who am I? Why am I doing all this? my friends have warned me about these things... did I listen? NO... why? because... because... because I CANNOT HELP IT.

im lost. someone pls help me here.

= my speakers sing [李圣杰 - 手放开] = & = i'm feeling... [like crap.] =

[ 李圣杰 - 手放开 ]
我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开城门对着夜幕发呆
看着往事 一幕一幕 再次演出你我的爱

我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些事情可以给我一个交代
你要的爱 我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏 眼睁睁看情感慨

不能给你未来 我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待 当眼泪留下来
伤已悄在 分开也是另一种明白
我给你最好的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋 最好的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台 有人走就有人来
我的心是一个车牌 写着等待

我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
哽咽的声音彷佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖 还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开 我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害

hm... whats up with chinese song postings. i guess its a new trend...

当你孤单你会想起谁 你想不想找个人来陪...
你的快乐伤悲 只有我能体会 让我再陪你走一回...

silence in the night always have a calming effect.

= my speakers sing [周传雄 - 男人.海洋] = & = i'm feeling... [chapfallen,morose.] =

[ 周传雄 - 男人.海洋 ]
当我抱着你的时候
窗外风起 黄叶飘落
以为是浪漫
原来只是 有心在飞走

不懂情人心里想的
爱就瞎了 也迷路了
想摸索什么
摸到了你 手心的沉默

最痴情的男人像海洋
爱在风暴里逞强
苦还是风平浪静的模样
卷起了依恋那么长
挥手目送你启航
到你觉得我给不了的天堂

温柔的男人像海洋
爱在关键时隐藏
而心酸汇集都敞开胸膛
做远远看护的月光
不做阻挡你的墙
我的爱是折下自己的翅膀
送给你飞翔

hmph. another brand new day awaits.

work sucks, i know, you'll be at my show...

= my speakers sing [Five for Fighting - Something About You] = & = i'm feeling... [buzzy.] =

been working hard these few days... at least i feel that im regaining my usual standards... still abit lost at times(cant help thinking of someone...) but little did i expect that problems can find their way to me... to cut the story short, im on the verge of being complained for something that happened during feb 2k5 and which i only got to know yesterday night. wtf ! its a long story... but lets just say that im 50% back to my sharp senses. problem has been solved. *phew* screw work.

anyway,

met up with gib n alvin yesterday... been awhile since the three of us met up. always did enjoy their company... nice conversations about almost anything... went for some pool and a very sumptous billy bombers dinner. ended up at caesars(as always.) and mao actually rushed down from work just to drink for an hour ! crazy alcoholic. nowadays, having free time is so much different from last time... i used to be able to think of something to do almost immediately when i have the free time... now, its like... im free... what to do? i'll get stoned and lost. then my mind starts wandering into the abyss again... blardy sia go n call her up on her standby... @&*$@*$% oh well, it is her work. (still in the stages of getting used to.) ahhhhh... she should be back by now... really missing her. guess im sortta lost now...(dont worry, im still evolving within myself. scares you doesnt it.) still must wait till tomorrow then can see her... argh. guess i'll go look for my mistress. *wink* *wink* rofl.

i seriously suspect i can screw myself up everyday.

= my speakers sing [Leslie Cheung - 追] = & = i'm feeling... [flip flappy.] =

work sucked again... does it never end? kenna cho early early in the morning. nbcb ! spoiled the mood for the entire day even before work. i think im being marked... then again, WHATEVER. i dont give a fuck what the hell they think. as long as i get my pay on the 12th every month, i cant really give a rat's ass what the fuck they think. im disappointed as a supervisor has not lead by example. its a long story but im disgusted by what he did today. thats why there is a difference between working colleagues and working friends. working colleagues are those you interact during work. after work, they are just strangers in the crowd. if anything did happen to him on the streets and i happen to pass by coincidentally, i guess i'll just probably leave him alone to ROT and DIE. how to work for someone who does nothing to earn my respect? i admit my mistake but must he FUCK me and make me sia suay in front of EVERYONE? knnb-fucking-cb. still dare to go home when we are in the midst of working. BALLS TO HIM BLOODY MOFO. geez. im blowing up for the first time since very long ago. i thought i had inculcated the ability of " one side in, one side out " in myself. apparently, im wrong. this time it's personal. feel fucked cos of this. crap. shant bother myself with such shit anymore.

anyway,

really wanted to enjoy abit after work today since its been a very tiring and long past few weeks. right on the dot when i reached katong to play billiards with my colleagues, my hp went dead. yes. dead. totally out of battery. oh well, played for a couple of hours anyway, discovered the same old shit, i still suck alot at billiards. although, i did beat a new colleague of mine...(very very very tycho. hahahaha) i still need huge moments of inspiration to look like a decent player. guess i'll stick to pool. rofl.

anyway,

she's on her way back tomorrow morning ~~~ thought abit about what she said during the last few weeks... tried so hard not to msg her that much to disturb her trip... in the end, my mind crumbled within and i dropped her only one msg ard 6am when i woke up. hahaha. personal space that kinda stuff. cannot really revolve around her life all the time... sometimes must let her do the revolving around me (whatever it means, it just seems logical to me.) not saying that i will stop being so loving towards her... of course i wont stop what im doing now and i'll try to improve as much as possible... oh well, anticipation is a killer. hahaha... cant wait for tmr night !!! meanwhile, MAN UTD VS CRYSTAL PALACE ! woo wee !

absence has made my heart grow more fonder...

= my speakers sing [Blink 182 - I Miss You] = & = i'm feeling... [lonely ~~~] =

She's at KL... I'm missing her already although it's been only 1 day. i screw myself up all the time...

Blink 182 - I Miss You

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time

And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

= mtv sings [Blink182 - Always] = & = i'm feeling... [Sianified, missing someone.] =

workload has been terribly heavy these past few weeks. non stop action work for almost everyday... word has it that instead of my normal work work off off schedule, it'll be changed to work (longer) work off work. omfg. like that how to survive. fit for human consumption meh? maybe thats why this line is losing so many people every year. thank goodness this is ending very very soon. if it continues for a longer period of time... i smell many mcs coming along...

anyway,

she's gone to kl to enjoy herself during this 1 week break. oh well, i really hope she doesnt get herself plastered for both nights... heard she and her friends were thinking of clubbing on both nights.... ahh ~~ the madness that goes on in my head ~ im pretty sure she'll enjoy herself there. i mean it when i say, wish i could be there... oh well, sianification sets in. mind is stopping... work tomorrow, application for a freakin passport finally sent ! gonna miss drinking session with mao today due to work tomorrow... knnbccb. gonna see her on sunday...

The worst enemy is your own.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [very tired but blissful.] =

watched some dvds with her last night at home... 2046. what a totally freaking knnbccb boring show that is too deep for me. feel asleep several times. should switch to vcds in the future... at least my poor ps2 wouldn't be so tormented... haha. after which, sent her home in future-bro-in-law's car... she suggested a spin... so there we went... ended at some *sekret location* where she managed to psycho me into letting her drive... she did pretty well... n she managed to drive back home safely... although there were more then 1 tense moments... hahahahahaha.

anyway,

was supposed to watch a show with her today... woke up when she called, but fell asleep again with my blardy hp in my hand... (im so sorry my dear!) thus, movie was out, went to shop instead. (imagine that, LIM PEH go shopping !) well, did manage to purchase a pouch that i wanted so badly... met mao at caesars later in the evening n found out that basically almost all my friends want to grab a copy of MOS The Annual 2005 and mao had got it already. wth. ok la... splurged abit this month... but as i said to some1, its not the amount that you spend that makes you unhappy or not. if you spend the money and you're happy, then it's money well spent. she did get a present... sortta from me, well, it was from my sis... but i hope she likes it... gahaha.

anyway,

ended up at horlan v to meet up with her friends... 1 of'em was sortta celebrating his bday... it was cool n all. even to the extent when her ex came, i was pretty ok with it. surprised? hell yea i was. not that he was there, but the way i reacted... i think i've changed man. the old me would be soooo fucking petty, "dont talk to him" "he's there har?" "lets not go instead" i guess i've grown in a sense, pretty cool about everything. i really do have trust in her i suppose. otherwise, i think i would have really seriously contemplated smashing his balls to bits or just plain silly whacking as if tomorrow never comes. it's a really long story, but i cant really elaborate... complicated shit. cant say i wasn't affected when she was talking to him(jia gan chor.) but it's a normal thing to feel if you do call yourself a man. but... i just had to let her go talk to him... since i just want her to be happy and not restrain from being herself because of me... i guess thats what you call love? im contented la... at least, at the end of the day, the one in her arms would still be me... damn im fucking corny. (must have been the kilkennys n chivas.) head is spinning, need sleep. will go sleep. working in 4 hrs. hahaha. why do i feel that its a norm for me to be sleep-deprived? gotta watch it man, cant drop back to the sickly state i was in for the last 4 - 5 years... but... i do enjoy being deprived, at least that means im spending time with her... hahahaha what an ass i am.

Ooooo Weeeee Ooo Wee !

= my speakers sing [corny chinese love songs] = & = i'm feeling... [whee whee] =

hm. just splurged on a new freakin zippo while waiting for someone the other day ! Silver Sunrise... Oxidized body with a tint of silver. mmm been aiming for that for a long long time. since someone didnt really catch the hint... (i dont blame u my dear. hahaha) didnt really regret gettin it, since i simply am fascinated with it. actually procrastinated about buyin it cos of the hefty price...(put it bluntly, 50 bucks for a lighter, abit liao lui lor.) but... its my style ! haha.

anyway,

played mahjong at her friend's house, been losing alot... i guessed 1 house paying 3 isnt really winning is it? but still, its only a friendly game, its the process that counts. 2 of her good friends have left for london, sure she feels sad, but at least the consolation is im still around? hahaha... i got a baseball bat from her friend as a parting gift !

weird?
sure...
but meaningful,
it is.

he said some things that i will keep lodged in my mind for a long time to come, in case he stumbles upon this entry, yes my good friend, i will try to keep my end of the bargain. if not, pls feel free to unleash upon me your fury together with your darling bat.

will try to upload some pics that i took recently... been very very tired mentally & physically but to me, it's worth it ! till i have more to pen, take care, take cover, but don't take, DRUGS ~~~ hahahaha.

Bliss.

= mtv sings [Ryan Cabera - True] = & = i'm feeling... [Ecstatic.] =

went down to dempsy today wif her after she finally gotten her crow tattoo. but i must admit, it really looks nice... the tattoo artist was good. not sayin that anything on her would look bad. but it was rather impressive. dempsy wasn't really what i expected it to look like. at least not located on a hill that far in. but its nice, nice atmosphere n great wine. mayb it's time for me to switch... nah. haha. spent the time there wif her n her friends... had nice conversations... i hope i didnt seem to be a little slow, quiet n retarded cos i was actually quite tired when we reached there... certainly hope i didnt offend any of her friends...

anyway,

had a caesars session the day she came back wif amao... neve realised that he would have the answers for some of the questions i posed to myself. affairs of the heart apparently. i must admit, our views on love/whatever things have a certain understanding and similiarities. mayb thats y we're bros man. well, the more engrossed we got in the conversation, more emotions sort of erupted... and no, i did not ejaculate on the spot. rather, i suddenly got in touch with my feminine/softer side that not many, NOT MANY, in the world has seen. well, when emotions arise, things tend to happen... oh well, dropped by caesars after beavers(caesars wasn't open when we came.) n i remembered that i didnt drink much, but i got knocked out pretty fast... mayb cos of the lack of slp, goin dinner-less or my mind wasn't concentrating. she did drop by after, which was very much appreciated... i wanted to hold her so much before she came. after she arrived, at a point of time i really couldnt control myself anymore... (thanks bro for tryin to cover up for me.) i didnt exactly blast out... hell no. i managed to control.

blah blah n a couple of hrs later, some1 suggested ktv. great. after we got there, someone decided to leave early. great great. but... after he left, i certainly enjoyed myself. it was nice, just the two of us. enjoying something together. haha. well, we left at 4 and had a long walk(in a circle, im sorry, my dear. i get lost during the night.) and another conversation. in case any1 is just wondering, i posed a question to her on vday... didnt really want to push her for an answer, just wanted to know how she feels... well...................................... all i can say is,

yay. basically as simple as i can put it. yay. im in love. nuff said. haa.

moments of worry. hero or zero?

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [scared.] =

managed to meet up and spent the entire day after work with her before her flight... dropped by her friend's house for a tan(i didnt tan. i dont ever tan. hahaha.) ate some very spicy n weird tasting pizza... afterwhich i "exchanged" a few pointers with her friend on DefJam: FFNY and i should apologise... i've been playing the game for quite some time and he just got started not long ago... oops? heh, surprisingly had a round of mahjong before leaving... win! $1.90. lol. she needs more practice. sent her home n waited while she prepared for the flight. apparently the whole family came home at around nearly the same time... her mom gave me a scary look (E.g. what the hell is this guy doing here. ROFL) ms forgetful remembered the timing of her flight wrongly ! haa. luckily made it on time but her departure was rather haste... haiz...

anyway,

saw sylvester(singapore idiot sly) just now outside my hq ! visiting maya? lol. didnt expect him to be so short and lame-beng. and all that commercial on whiter teeth? my ass ! he smokes like any other regular singaporean beng ! geez... well, met up with gib n mel just now... mel just bought a book on Absolut ! appropriately named, "The Absolut Book." a sort of pictorial on their advertisment campaign and very nice ! gib bought an iPod ! wtf?! dont like it man. prefer my zen still. lol.

anyway,

updated them on my status... anticipating the arrival of sunday. this is some intense shit! argh. cant stop thinking about her. i think im goin kuku. if i get to sit alone, i'll start to think about her. am i turning psycho? rofl. the truth is... 99% of me is trying to convince myself negative shit so even if i fail, it wont b that bad? 1% is secretly hoping it'll work out? (so bloody pessimistic. but i dont really like to be over confident.) but i cant help but feel sad even thinking about it. well, the more you think, the more shit pops up. im such an ass. i cant really screw this up. this is how important it is to me. but... there is always the "her" factor. well, whatever comes from her, i cant help it, right? i just hope that i've done enough for her to give me a chance. i seem to be bloody pessimistic. argh. i just hope my corny-ness did not scare/put her off. gahaha. this will be the longest 3 days of my life so far... but... as i mentioned in my previous posts, as long as she is happy, im happy too. be it whether i'll b able to give happiness to her one way or another. im scaring myself way too much. suddenly, richard marx is playing in my head. Lyrics.

this post feels weird. these rants seem to be damaging my personality. oh man... im turning in a tetra-whiner ! haa?

WOW.

= my speakers sing [songs of love?] = & = i'm feeling... [Enthralled.] =

This has got to be the weirdest and best valentine's day i've ever spent. well, actually this is the first valentine's day i spent with a girl. (stop sniggering. -.-) it has definately been a very very enriching experience.

anyway,

spent it with her of course. brought her to the beach at changi ! a little corner tucked away just nice for the two of us. we had a very very nice heart to heart talk and i let it be known to her about my feelings. i said some really fucking corny lines that even when i think abt it, goosebumps will popup. (i meant every single word i say.) i told her not to answer me immediately, instead to think abt it over the week. afterall, i'll only get to see her on sunday... hopefully, she's willing to take a dive with me. (pun not intended.) but the last hour with her at her void deck allowed me to have another perception of her. (dont worry my dear, its not for the worst.) i actually did enjoy it. i mean, it's not everyday some1 of the opposite sex shares some things with you that you would have NEVER EVER imagined it being told. but i really did enjoy that conversation we had. i mean, i enjoyed her company the whole night, but that is like the icing on the cake.

(im super tired. i gotta attend a meeting in an hrs time. fuck.)
in summary, i just want her to know that, no matter what happens, i don't care if u dump me for another guy, if u told every1 else i have piles, if u decide to rape me n leave me, bottomline, i just want you to be happy. really. if i could help u tide thru this period. i'd love to. but love is always unconditional. i give but to expect no returns would be lying to you. i only wish to hear u say that u have liked or tried to like me in the process. i would be satisfied. call me a dumb bloody mofo, but this is how much i like you. (stop saying ure screwed up. i certainly dont think so.)

i just hope for a chance for something to happen. i really want u to know what you've been missing all these years. haa.

happy muthafuggin new year.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [super duper tired.] =

Happy new year to all ! May the rooster bring some sort of chicken luck to everyone ! (What the fuck am i talking about? whatever!) well, im personally very glad that an unfortunate episode that happened at work has concluded. but the result is yet to be determined... im sad too... my own teammate... the one responsible. at least the whole team's behind him.

this new year has been rather lethargic... i've spent the last couple of days slacking and slacking and slacking at home. can't really be bothered to join my family for visiting... afterall, it's not as if we are going to do some heavy duty visiting... it's a lot more toned down then previous years. not really doing any visiting cept for those immediate relatives... gettin more n more boring each year. this year has got to be the most tiring one yet and i haven't done much ! spent so much time at home, alone. smoking to the extent of passing out.

anyway,

i'm glad that i managed to get a day off today ! been really, really stressed out at work. i'm glad to have talked to her about it... and i really appreciated the words of encouragement from her. she might not think it's much, but it was her words that kept me goin on... or rather, from blowing up. i definately need to tell her how i feel about her soon. very soon. can't miss the moment like before, way before. i screwed up once, not gonna screw up again. guess this is a chance i'll have to take. *cross fingers*

Songs of a hungry heart.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] = & = i'm feeling... [threatened.] =

Creed - My Sacrifice
" ...When you are with me
I'm free,
I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes... "

i'm feeling abit looney due to the fact that i experienced a bad day at work. i guess meeting up with her for an hr or so was the best part of the day n after reading her blog, a sudden surge of mixed emotions arise...

competition maybe?, i sense.

jealous, i feel abit.

crappy, definately.

over sensitive, a little.

hope he's not her cup of tea, certainly.

nonsense i'm yakin, confirmed.

but more attacks of romance, i will attempt.

making her fall for me, my goal.

shut the fuck up and go to sleep, consider it done.

in case anyone is wondering why the hell i posted the lyrics there, its because thats how i feel when im with her !

Excuse me, but I'd like to...

= my speakers sing [Take That - Nobody Else] =

I'd like to... help you on your work whenever you need it.
I'd like to... be your first passenger when you own a car.
I'd like to... pick you up from the airport when you return home.
I'd like to... pray for your every flight to be smooth sailing.
I'd like to... make a passport because of you.
I'd like to... keep you company, even if it means just sitting next to you, keeping very quiet.
I'd like to... perfect a duet with you.
I'd like to... take a stroll with you along the beach.
I'd like to... sip a cuppa with you on a sunny day just slacking somewhere.
I'd like to... let you hold me when we're watching a scary movie.
I'd like to... massage you when you come back from a flight.
I'd like to... hug you and make you warm when you're feeling cold.
I'd like to... make you happy.
I'd like to... make you feel loved the way you should be.
I'd like to... be with you~~~

To car or not to car.

= my speakers sing [Five for Fighting - Something About You] =

I've been deciding on one of the biggest choices in my life so far. can i afford a car? if so, should i get 1? it's more like reaching a milestone in my life rather then showing off. afterall, it's just a mode of transport on 4 wheels. been thinking alot recently about 2nd hand or first hand... should be gettin a first hand... definately must be within my budget... lookin at the 1l 1.3 and 1.6... still got insurance, road tax, coupons, fuel, summons, maintenance blah blah blah n the list goes on. this will definately be the biggest and most important decision. dont know how u all see it but, its like, if i fail to manage this important asset(a car is always a liability, but asset sounds nicer. haha.) it'll mean i've failed a milestone in my life and the damage... i dont know, hopefully it doesnt happen, then again, i might not buy the car at all. argh, here i go again, worrying too much over-pressurizing myself. gotta get a hold on myself.

anyway,

work's been pretty much the same old. but i seem to have detected a flaw in my workin style... i think i've been rather slack recently... i tink i accidentally made 1 of my colleagues pissed ! i'll need to pull my socks up and improve my ass i suppose !

Exercising is in order !

= my mind is thinking of [happy thoughts~] =

hm. today(24th) was certainly a sports day. went for my office's pool tourny in the morning(i lost in the first round. did i mention my opponent represents PSA?) then some badminton action later in the afternoon. i shouldn't have tried. my hands are aching to the max now. i should do some exercising to destroy the fats and reveal the muscles... if there are any. ippt is around the corner~~~ i do not wish to fail this year ~

anyway,

been feeling good although workload is heavy... maybe because i spent a few great hrs with her? dont know how to describe but... the way she walks, talks, gestures attracts me so much. i get so often getting lost when i look in her eyes... (i wonder if she'll c this. freak im so corny sometimes i hate myself. LOL.) cant say more otherwise this will turn into a super corny blog ! i'll just move along and see what happens...

did i mention about how M1 sends inspirational quotes to me once awhile... i received another rather interesting one today...

"Men do not attract that which they want,
but that which they are... James Allen"

go figure.

friends are an important recipe in life.

= my tv screens [9 Ball! - World Summit of Pool] =

had a nice chat wif dy at siglap *bucks just now. talked about cars, driving, friends... ahh friends... friends are everywhere. you can make friends anywhere. but good friends, thats hard to find. im glad to have found my current group of kakis. although sometimes they make me wana >.<>

theres actually a very simple explainantion. if a supposedly friend of yours went to your house, he/she can open your fridge to take food or drinks, then thats considered a good friend. i mean, how many friends can go to someone's house and help themselves to the food in the fridge without asking? most people would think that it's rude... but if you're ok with it... i guess, u can claim that friend as a good one. lame right? but thats how it goes for me.

so dear friends of mine, pls consider this a thank-you-for-being-my-friend post. it's corny, i know. but still, i would like to say a huge Thank you for being there when i need ya all the most, thank you for chatting with me on msn/ma irc #, thank you for accompanying me to sing-along sessions, thank you for playing mahjong with me, thank you for drinking with me, thank you for playing pool with me, thank you for spending endless hours wandering aimlessly on the streets, thank you for being my friend. (fuck! what a tear jerker !)(btw, i really mean it. -D~)

P/S: I am currently having this mother of a pimple on the right side of my face. It's seriously pissing me off. + another irritating one is growing on the right side of my upper lip ! I resign to having an oily face. NBCB !

Can you reflect while high?

= my speakers sing [nothing.] =

just attended my colleague's wedding dinner. dont really know what my other colleagues were doing, as if i was the one marrying, made me drink to my limit. it's so nice to see and attend a wedding... makes me wonder when will be my turn... it was nice to see so many familiar faces in the crowds... although i was full to my limit by 1030pm... i could still recognize some of colleagues from other depts and chatted with them for abit.

anyway,

did some thinking while eatin at the dinner... this song kept popping up in my head... i guess it sums up what is going on in that tiny head of mine. i dont know why i keep pressuring myself but maybe cos if this doesn't work out, i'll most probably be a monk or something OR mayb cos i know im trying as hard as i can... ?

Richard Marx - Right here Waiting.
Ocean's apart day after day
And i slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If i see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That i thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, i taste the tears
But i can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if i'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

What is my capability?

= my speakers sing [nothing.] =

All work and no play makes a cow really dull. been suddenly bombarded on work side and made a mix-up on my colleague's wedding and a mahjong session! dang ! i've been pressurized since a very long time... i think i need to take some leave to sortta recuperate mentally and physically...

anyway,

met mady and jeff last night while waiting for someone... met that someone eventually... but 2 bad she was tired... and those 2 idiots had to tag along... ended up sending her home only... wanted so much to talk to her... but where got chance... n she'll b on long flight n wont b back till saturday... at least i'll use these few days to think carefully and clear my mind... to find out what is really going inside my mind. i cant differenciate whether am i doing too much or too little... i wouldn't want to give her the impression of me pestering her... but im also afraid of doing too little... this is the point of time where i could use a little direction from her...

To be a better man... DONT OVER DO IT MAN !

= mtv sing [Kasabian - Processed Beats / Gwen Stefani - What you waiting for / Jay Z feat. Linkin Park - Numb/Encore] =

I tried shisha with jamady just now ! apparently tried it at the wrong shop... suck so hard, no smoke come out. knnbccb. the food was good though. nice atmosphere... but couldn't really concentrate. dropped by caesars, lack of mood. ended up at changi v instead.. crazy fellow, go all the way there to shit.

anyway,

this past few days have sort of been a whirlwind for me. maybe i'm just thinkin too much. maybe i shouldn't be pinning so much hopes. maybe i should not do anything. maybe i should just, shut the fuck up and die. some of my close friends have known by now that i'm on a full scale war to invade someone's heart. but i guess it's just the old me again, overdo-ing it as usual. i hate it when it happens. can't really seem to control myself. not saying that i'm a possessive maniac or control freak. maybe it's the emotions that have been couped up in me for the past few years and now suddenly, i have a chance to display them, it overflows like a furious, angry, raging rapid. oh well, i whine too much. if only she knows how much effort i'm willing to put in this... i'm definately pressuring myself too much. i just pray and hope...


" All I do each night is pray
Hoping that I'll be a part of you again someday
All I do each night is think of all the times
I close the door to keep my love within "

Boringness sets in.

= my speakers sing [silence.] =

You know that you're not enjoying your work when you drag your feet to work everyday. thats basically how i feel right now. i cant believe that the passion, no matter how much the amount is lost. sure i enjoy the job, but its the workin environment + the most impt of all, the colleagues that make the difference. i have sort of lost faith in some of my colleagues, esp the more impt ones... this really sucks your energy physically and mentally. thats how draggin ur feet to work came about. rofl.

anyway,

this new year has been sort of great so far. personal life wise. haa. lets just say, there was this girl whom i saw many years ago... i still can remember the first time i saw her... i cannot forget those images in my head. i asked my friend, "whos that girl?" then thought to myself, this girl is a knockout ! so time flew past, a few years down the road, we see changes, each of us left poly for our future but at the expense of losin contact... so in 2k3, we managed to get in touch again. on n off on n off we'll meet up a couple of times a year... until recently, she's goin thru a rough patch now... but i wan to let her know that i'll b there for her when she needs someone. there are so many things that i want to tell her... but we'll just wait and see what happens... for now that is... ya? *cross my fingers*

heres a new resolution. To Romance a certain person and let her feel that she should be treated the way she deserves to be. ^_^

Work sucks, I know, You'll be at my show...

= my speakers sing [nothing] =

been drinkin pretty hard within the last week or so. i think it's high time for me to cut down... although i still got a bottle of chivas at caesars waitin for me... haa.

anyway,

went down to liquidrm on di's bday... my first and i wonder why the hell is the place so bloody smoky ! they have this certain service that irritates me to hell. whenever an unlighted fag is revealed, their waiters will promptly brandish a freaking lighter. it's just like one of those scenes in that jackie chan movie, Tuxedo ya? i nearly slapped 1 of their waiter's hand off when he tried to light my cig ! LOL. poor di was so drunk... i've still got that bottle of chivas waiting for her ! haa. i definately need to add cut down drinkin to 1 of my resolutions.

i think im reaching a point where there isnt enough happenings for me to relate to my blog. call it a blogger's block or writer's block but i sure aint a bloody writer.

anyway,

off to work it is for me. i'll try to blog more provided the inspirations come... oh ya, more pics hopefully. till then, it's sucky work vs sucky me. ~~~

Happy 2k5.

= mtv sings [Embrace - Gravity / Outkast - Ghetto Musick] =

Happy New Year ! May all your new year wishes come true. I've just personally celebrated new year's at Caesars. Enjoyed myself thoroughly there together with jacob, mao n his kakis, lingyi, mel and of course gibby. I received free kisses ! ROFL! The most interesting incident happened there. Gibson Yap got drunk ! He practically puked all over the place. The bill amounted to SGD$805/- after discount. WOW. It's like the most expensive session to date ever with myself in attendance. Got back only around SGD$562/-. Still have SGD$244/- balance. As much as I can afford it, it's still... WOW. 9 glasses n 8 Jugs of KilKenny... but it was the mixers that killed the bill. The mixers totalled to SGD$270/- !!!

anyway,

Back to Gibson... He practically puked everywhere he went ! Once at Caesars, (puked on mel.) Another at the taxi-stand of Bugis Junction. He also puked... all over himself ! This is by far the first time I've ever seen him puke and he had to make a bloody mess of out himself ! I would'nt have thought that on a night like this, he would be down instead of me. But I have concluded that Caesars would be a place ONLY for drinking sessions for the small group. The cost of drinking there is huge man.

Resolutions for the New Year:

1) Make her fall in love with me ALL OVER AGAIN.
2) Make more $
3) Buy a car
4) Settle down where work is related
5) Refine my relationships with my friends !

I'm like ½ full now but I'll still keep this post short. Tired dey, tomorrow still working somemore. Well, hopefully I'll have more to post tomorrow night ! Till then, Happy Bloody 2k5 ! (In case you were wondering why I trying my best to use perfect english, I'm a tinsy bit high. ROFLMAO.)

... ... ... Hopefully, she'll have a wonderful new year too? I wish her all the best for 2k5.

Tsunamis suck.

= mtv sings [Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams / Jay Sean - Stolen / Keane - This is the last time] =

I'm sure many of you have heard about the sad news that shook the earth, literally. My deepest condolences to those who've lost their friends, relatives or family members to the disastrous tsunami attack and for those who are still searching, keep the faith. For those unaffected, touch your heart and count your blessings. do what you can. donate $ to the Red Cross Society of Singapore. the many victims will thank you for your kind generosity.

anyway,

meet my new friend, Zen. Zen Micro.



5GB of capacity, Doubles as Removable Storage Disk, Built-In FM Tuner, 1 FREE spare batt. More...

what else can i ask for.

but... (yes there will always be buts.) there seems to be something wrong with the PC cable. Seems like my zen will automatically hang when i attempt to hook it up to my comp. a call to creative is in order. My CAPSLOCK KEY is SPOILT ! NBCB !

anyway,

went out with mel n gib just now. drove all the way to mt faber ! hahahaha. couples would be a norm, but we saw 2 guys sitting in one of the pavilion ! apparently they were either very very very good friends or they are gay. i mean, who the hell would jio their friend to a place like mt faber? E.G.

Ah Seng: "Free to talk?"
Ah Beng: "Ya."
Ah Seng: "Ok, meet me at Mt Faber the 3rd pavilion from the cafe."
Ah Beng: "Ok."

WTF? thats really gay lo. nuff abt that, had a drink at The Hill. so bloody expensive. who would have thought that a bloody cup of lipton tea would cost $5/-. at least i had something else. rofl.

anyway,

there are so many things i want add in this entry. thoughts kept poppin up in my mind the past few days. but for now, i seem to be stuck. hah. mayb i'll post another entry with regards to my new year escapade-cum-celebration. Happy New Year and may 2005 be really a wonderful year for everyone. i really hope. for me and for her.

Christmas Spirit. Pui.

= my speakers sing [nothing.] =

First off, Merry Christmas.


this xmas certainly holds a special meaning for me. for this has got to be one of my worst xmas ever due to some last min events.

my supervisor had a misunderstanding about me and the result was a punishment meted out to me that i thought was quite unfair. 5 tours of the hospital post. i mean, 5 tours isn't that bad. i've done 1 whole month of that duty before during my probation period. 5 tours is nothing. it's just that the whole idea of my supervisor not having trust in me is very very sad. one of my most respected supervisors has just shown me that he totally has no trust in me since a very long time. I feel sad, angry and disappointed. the basic trust is no longer there. this only means that most probably, in the next year, a transfer is imminent. what's the use of working in an environment where your supervisor doesn't trust you at all?

I quote dale carnegie,
"It isn't what you have,
or who you are,
or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about."

very sad isn't it. life's a bitch. what can i say. gotta just move on.

anyway,

last night after work managed to meet up with mao to "supposedly" celebrate xmas. after the incident at work, there isn't really much to look forward to. well, when i reached caesars, he was ¾ gone already. michael was like 99% gone n qirong was also 70% gone. naidu was pretty much still awake. afterall, 4 persons and a bottle of vodka is about just nice. but the second bottle had already been opened when i arrived. so there we were, drinkin to our heart's content even before midnight arrived. by the time xmas came, amao was concussed. michael was singing songs no one could understand, qirong n his gal were both gone and naidu left in search of a black christmas. me? i was in the backalley performing a stunt called the merlion. hahahaha it's just one of those days where you really wished that you will get drunk. i did.

so this ends my xmas escapade. full of drama and emotions. this yr's xmas will be one i want to forget.

Christmas. Blah.

= my speakers sing [nothing. I'm watchin sappy Hallmark xmas specials.] =

Jingle balls,
Jingle balls,
Jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to slap,
Your stupid face today.

Hey !

Dashing to the loo,
After one drink too many,
Tried to puke it out,
Fell asleep instead,

Heard knocks on my door,
Someone's singing to me,
What the hell are you singing,
Shut the f**k up la !

My own rendition of the latest xmas hit single, jingle your bloody balls.

hey peeps, it's xmas, get in the mood.

How am i supposed to spend my xmas when im knockin off at some time like... erm, 9? 10? ... hopefully i'll b able to get some sort of celebrations goin on with amao tmr night. haha
i don't know why, i'm feeling so bushed now. must be the stress level. yep, it's goin higher n HIGHER. i seriously need to wind down soon. im thinking way too much. well, merry christmas to all. may U enjoy spending christmas with that special someone ! wish i could say the same about me... oh well, fuck that. (^_^).!.

All I want for christmas...

= my speakers sing [nothing.] =

There is one thing I want for christmas now. iPod Mini ! ^.^

Quickie time !

= mtv now sings [Maksim - Kolibre / The Killers - Somebody Told Me / Electrico - Runaway] =

good morning singapore! just had a wonderful game of pool with mont, anthony n his bro (anderson i think) n of course the infamous moron jeff (btw all are my colleagues cept for anderson) at fusion3. to think that when i just arrived, jacob, wama n keigo just left ! the best part, they were goin down when i took the lift up ! played till the place closed as usual and then went to 201 for supper. twas till then i realised everyone cept jeff were from st hildas. what a small small world. had a great chat about the good old days when we were still young, when we were notorious and when people were actually still afraid of the police. of course not when policemen were wearing shorts. found out a couple of secrets and to think that someone i knew posed for FHM ! wtf?! haha the chat lasted for 2, 3 hrs? reached 201 at about 0345? i think we left at 6, thus this quickie post so early in the morning.

anyway,

that chat really got me thinking... it's been awhile since i last met up with any of my old schoolmates. since xmas is ard the corner, mayb its time for me to do some catchin up of my own... i miss those days when everyday was so carefree, we only thought whether the girl/guy next class would notice us, how to cheat in tests, fights, soccer, ecas, funny incidents etc. how i wish i could be given a chance to go through that experience once more. making friends were so easy... almost everyone was genuine & sincere. lookin back at those memories from 94 to 98, couldn't help thinking that there were so many things i could have done and could have not done... how i wish i had the courage to tell her how i felt about her during that time... but then again, regrets are just lame excuses. its time to keep the memories and move on, there are more accomplishments awaiting me...(2nd chances for me to xpress myself mayb?) reminiscing can be saved for later...

anyway,

nostalgia setting in, i cant help it...(pls someone, pls, slap me.) guess im gonna have a puff before retiring. my bed is beckoning for me...

so why not take a moment to revive those wonderful memories you've once had during those "happy" days? im sure a couple will bring a smile to your face. mayb theres something still stuck in your head, something waiting for you to end... a fued with a very good friend that you often regret over something stupid? a good friend that you havent met in a long long time? certain things you still havent told someone? a special person that you still think about once in awhile and wished that you had the chance to xpress some feelings...

Latenight thoughts.

= my speakers sing [Keane - Somewhere only we know] =

ahh... had another terrible day at work again. bloody busy from 8am to... 8pm. im so really working for every cent of my pay+bonus this month. met up with the usual suspects at simpang and also my beloved derrick ! been awhile since i last saw him, noticed that his boot had something xtra. new woofers ! big woofers ! woof ! WOOF ! had a nice n long chat with them, n saw my other colleague there as well, wat a freakin coincidence. simpang suddenly became the "happening" joint for me. rofl. gosh im so lame.

working in an environment mixed with different people from different races, ages sure widens my life. i mean, i feel that i've grown in a certain way eversince mixing around with my colleagues, more mature? more confident? more kuai lan? i dont know. but i'll always remember this line my mentor told me during my first week of orientation, i quote " take a picture of yourself now and take another picture a few years later. you will look different, in a more confident way." how true, how true. this job has changed me... then again, the stress level of this job never fails to drop, it can only go higher and higher. but what i've learnt thru the interactions with different people and the handling of different situations has broadened my perspective on life.

basically put, my job allows the insight of the stupidity of some, the avaricious side of some, the kindness... the good, the bad and the horrendous. period. sometimes i feel im "forced" to mature faster to be able to handle these situations... hopefully, i will be able to put what i absorbed to good use and not let it just drift away...

anyway,

enough of my work shit. it's a neverending story.

I just realised that half of my pay+bonus has magically disappeared ! ... !!! i have no idea where i spent it on, im currently left with half of my pay. i have got to start on a more concrete plan of saving $$$. im still considering a weekend car but when the thoughts of maintenance, petrol, parking, etc come to mind, i shudder. i mean, i can afford a car now, it's just a matter of me drinkin less, smokin less per month. but is it worth it? sure, a car is blardy useful. but heck, im stayin 5mins away from my office, i can even run there in a breath. if i use the vehicle, it's for my nightly outings but then again, do i really need it? i quote another colleague of mine, "buying a car is a luxury. no matter how much supporting statements you can come up with, as long as u buy it, its considered a luxury. it's not a necessity, its a luxury. u can also deem it as throwing $$$ into the sea. its an investment with 0 returns." guess i'll leave that thought static for the moment... hopefully a lucky toto strike will allow me to continue those thoughts...

anyway,

i have been "enjoying" singlehood for around 6 years, it's time for me to look for a partner. then again, i have been lookin all these while, it's just that, things cant really work out for me in my head when it counts. sure, i may look/sound like a whiner when i state these thoughts in my blog... but hey, it's my blog. bite me.

i've always believed in fate. i mean, in a universe so vast, a timeline of centuries, i am allowed to be borne in this era, gettin to know my people and deeming them as my pals, friends, etc. it has got to be fate of some sort. i believe its my luck too, to have known so many people i reckon as pals. but to no avail, i still have not found her. havent you tried believing that your partner is out there somewhere, mayb next to you on the train, walking past you in a busy street, standing behind you when you're ordering kopi-o? u get the idea. tried so many times till eventually at a certain stage, you'll give up trying. some people like to say, 顺其自然. but as my motto goes, an opportunity comes once in a lifetime, u'll dont get second chances on ur doorstep just like that. if u've never tried, u'll never know what u've missed unless u've tried. currently im tryin, not that hard. but will she know? i doubt so. mayb what the surveys say are right, asian men are afraid to express for fear of rejection. i will continue trying, as achieving this relationship means alot to me, even if she has gone to the arms of another person, she'll always, and i DO mean ALWAYS have a place in my heart.

anyway,

enough of my freakin bullshit for one night, i think im turning all yellow and mellow(It rhymes!). guess i'll end this off with a phrase a man once said, here goes...

" 你能选着爱我或不爱我，可是我只能选着爱你或更爱你。。。 "

corny shit right? i think im suffering from an overdose of teh-cino. forgive me.

Weekly juice !

= my speakers sing [silence.] =

it's been a hectic week. finally i got the chance to take 1 day of leave. worse thing is, i could'nt find anyone to accompany poor me. all my acquaintances were busy... went back to my office to finish off some unsettled business and i got stuck there till 2-3am? geez. i seriously need a life...

meet up with lingyi n jacob a few days back. been awhile since i last saw her... heh i must say, she still looks the same as before. if not, better...? lolx. went to sing song and she sings pretty well i must say. sadly, theres something wrong with my voice eversince the op. speech wise, i still sound the same. singing wise, i sound quite different... not as before. damn, i gotta do something about it.

anyway,

went out with mao and hehehe di yesterday night. surprisingly, she agreed to go sing-a-long with us. enjoyed myself pretty much and we actually did a 90% successful rendition of 屋顶.
:-D suffering from a very very bad headache now... not enough sleep? not enough food? i don't know man... hopefully by the time i work tomorrow, it'll be long gone...

anyway,

i've just uploaded a couple of pics n in random order, here they are...........


Amao's new ride ! (actually it belongs to his father. he's still goin for his practicals !) At least i got to drive it ! :D


This has got to be the coolest ashtray i've seen so far.


How often do you see a prayin mantis up close? lol.


Mr Stikfast self pleasuring. I love those joints.

Jingle balls is around the corner.

= mtv is singing [Naughty By Nature - Hip Hop Hooray] =

... it's nearly that time of the year again. i'm still plagued by my issues with life. my gd fren's been warded for den-freakin-gue fever.

mel's been warded for dengue. not really the kinda news i wana hear. anyway, dropped by east shore for a visit after i knocked off earlier. luckily the dumb guard allowed us in. well, take care and godspeed to ur recovery mel ! i'll b waiting to drink together again !

anyway,

just realised how boring a person i actually am. i've lost the ability to communicate. i prefer silence now rather then a chatty conversation. unless the topic really interests me. hate it man. 1 of my new year resolutions is definately gonna be... "be a better person for 2k5". A wise man once said, "Maturity begins when your concern for someone is more then your concern for yourself." how true, how true. i'll try, i'll try to be a better person.

just finished supper with mady n jacob. horrible horrible roti john. but... i hereby declare the kopitiam drink for 2k4 is... *very loud drumroll* TEH-CINO. a wicked mixture of teh and alot of condense milk. very very sinful. song of the year would be "Tra-La-La" by ......... Gunther and the Sunshine girls ! (i know its a little too early for this. pls forgive me.[i'll try to upload more pics. im running pic-less])

anyway,

i'll post a moments of 2k4 blog for me soon before the new year. meanwhile, its mahjong saturday and drinkin friday. any takers? feel free to leave a msg on ma tag-shit or just a simple sms. omg. i think i see dolly parton on tv. gotta go puke some.

Mahjong + Chivas !

= my speakers sing [Jay Chou - Jie Kou] =

it's been a while since i last updated my blog, eversince that incident whereby the hungry blog decided to eat up a long post of mine. didn't really want to come in any contact with any blog...

anyway,

Visited Caesars last sat with amao and surprisingly, 2 of my other colleagues wanted in as well. was the usual crowd on a football night... the bunch of soccer fanatics betting with the bartender over a couple of jugs. everyone seemed to be so engrossed in the match altogether. ok, to the main point of the night. so there i was, sippin my heineken with amao for around an hr or so, when my colleague called me. i initially thought only 2 were joining us. turned out that 4 came. 1 totally unknown to me. 2 of them actually said that they were gonna go have some teh over alcohol. well, what can i say. they're muslims. rofl.

anyway,

so there we were sitting at caesars when my colleague mentioned that it was a tad too boring for him at that place. (think mat rock chiongster) well, we looked around and saw that beavers, directly opposite from caesars nx to 7-11 were blasting away music and it got my fren hooked. so we sua-ed to beavers where i introduced him to the wonderful world of hoegaarden. ½ a pint and he was hooked. but what happened after that totally changed my view of him. after 1 pint of hoegaarden, he looked as if he wasn't gonna make it. he then went to the loo and i asked his fren, "hm. this is the first time i ask him out, how much can he take every time he drinks?" his friend replied with a smirk. i gasped. i knew trouble was coming and boy was i right. came out of the toilet lookin like a piece of roadkill. bloodshot eyes, swaying body and slur speech. started to blabber mountains of cock with practically everyone who walked past him. it was during that moment that he wanted to dance in the middle of the street after a dare by me and a waitress from the place asked him to go in and dance on the bartop !

a short moment later, i found all of us inside the pub and 1 on top of the bartop. the 3 of us who were firmly rooted to the floor couldnt help but stare in astonishment and had cramps in our mouth due to laughin too much. u couldnt possibly imagine how 1 man can singlehandedly make a place with less then 10 customers so happening. after 4 mins of wild dancing, i found him dancing not to 1 but 3 ladies on the bartop ! apparently they got called in by the waitress. after that 10mins of hot dancing, my fren there took his first puke in the toilet. after that he started more cock talking. the waitress seemed to be terrified abit by him. u cannot imagine how much nonsense this guy can blabber once he's drunk.

anyway,

left the place soon after and he said that he still needed more. (did i mention he took a total of 2 pints of hoegaarden and 1 and 1/3 pints of heineken) so off he went to 7-11 to buy the arguably 1 of the most horrible alcoholic drink, long island. ew. but the funny thing was he tried to order thousand island from the cashier. he was like "auntie ! got thousand island or not? i very thirsty !" the cashier was stunned. we were stunned. he found it, bought it, and discovered his mistake. "eh malu sia..." that was what he had to say. (did i mention he puked a total of 3 times in the toilet of beavers, chokin their basin.) after 2 bottles more of long-island, i found him tryin to dance in the middle of the street and puking by the drainage. luckily i went over to check on him, he nearly fell in his own puddle of vomitus ! dragged him to a coffeeshop near to kallang and he knocked out there. couldnt even situp straight. went home and slept at his void deck for another ½hr or so with his fren. thank god for his fren. rofl. so that ends his adventure, but he promised the waitress that he would be back this friday night. oh boy. i cant wait.

anyway,

about the topic... yesterday night was mahjong-cum-drinkin night for me. enjoyed a game of mahjong and drinkin away to gib's chivas. free drinks ! lost $5 ! i can only have the alcohol to blame. was abit dead after the 10th glass? i can only remember that 1/3 of his newly opened bottle was gone thanks to me. thankfully, jacob was there to meet me for supper, couldnt really remember whether i had finished my teh-cino at simpang. only remembered that i fell asleep 90% of the time during the whole supper. so i made it home safely and am waiting for another session comin very soon.

so i end off this blog still feelin abit queasy over the leftover chivas in my tummy. gonna go out now and accompany my sis to purchase some brushes?! i'll leave that for another blog.